Welcome back , dear edgy boys from the 2000’s that thinks linkin park is badass(it’s , my name is shadow ) but being a closeted edgy boy is always confusing . We have a toy that it might not be for you but if you work out a cool explanation you won’t be expelled from your edgy community, of sigma males .
Climax Labs sent us with the finger of the death (Morva) , 4 crazy skulls that you might struggle with more than with your own darkness and lonelyness .
THE TOWER OF PAIN
The f***k name it fucking rock so much and rolls in you faster than a soap can fall on jail . Cutey pie .
Let’s talk about the design a little bit more because the experience wasn’t bad but hard is more suitable .
4 skulls making a tower and it’s size is increasing so the more you take the harder it gets . Are you prepared for this challenge ?? I don’t think so you are not the prince hamlet » to be or not to be» .
Talking diry about the design I really love the small detail of one of the skull blinking they look so funny and cute . HE IS JUDGING YOUR FINANCIAL DECISIONS .
Features
The base is large enough to keep the weight properly balanced, and flat enough that it can even act as a kind of pseudo-suction base if you create a vacuum by pressing it against a non-porous surface. That was Magic!!!! . Such a long explanation for saying it stays on their place . ☝️🧐 ACTUALLY!!!!!
That’s actually great, although the grip itself isn’t particularly good. So if you want to use it on your own instead of sitting on it, things can get complicated once lubricant enters the equation.
One important thing to keep in mind is that this toy is designed specifically to be used while sitting on it. And that’s actually a pretty big advantage: you can progressively work your way through the different sizes without the toy falling to one side because of the weight of the shaft.
The toy isn’t symmetrical around a radial axis, which is mainly a visual design choice. It doesn’t cause any problems during use, and, in my opinion, it actually gives the skulls a certain charm.
My experience
My experience with the toy was both satisfying and challenging.
Because of its shape, there are moments when you feel like you’ve already gone pretty far in terms of width, only to realize that there’s still another skull waiting for you.
The point is absolutely not to force yourself to reach the next one. That’s just an entirely avoidable injury waiting to happen.
What I would recommend instead is doing some preparation beforehand, working on depth while gradually increasing width. The limiting factor isn’t really your external sphincter; it’s how much width you can accommodate further up. Because of the shape, the progression is basically like a pyramid.
I didn’t experience this as much with Morva because its design is more uniform, making it easier to progress through its length.
And when I say lots of lubricant, I mean lots of lubricant. Make sure you properly lubricate the skull you’re actually trying to reach, because this toy pushes its way forward quite firmly. It isn’t painful, but it is definitely a very noticeable sensation.
What you will feel is a lot of internal pressure and tension. And once you remove it, you get that rather pleasant feeling of your body finally relaxing again.
I didn’t experience a particularly prostate-focused sensation with it. For me, it was much more of a general full zone sensation. However, it creates enough pressure that even a small amount of stimulation can quickly push you towards that point.
Overall, I’d describe the experience as satisfying, intense, and definitely more demanding than Morva.
Final Lap (Not so final )
Let’s talk about the difference between my personal opinion and what I think is a realistic assessment of this product.
My personal opinion is very simple: it isn’t my favourite toy.
I didn’t particularly love the sensation when removing it. But I think I approached this toy differently from how I normally approach a toy. I didn’t really see it as something I was using to chase pleasure. More as a challenge, almost like a barrier I wanted to overcome.
I loved the product itself. It’s easy to clean, and I was honestly surprised by how much difficulty the design can provide without needing to be an enormous toy.
The one I tested was medium-length, and trust me when I say I own longer toys. The firmness was also medium (00–50), which I think works really well here. It’s firm enough to give you something substantial to work with, but still flexible enough to handle and push without constantly worrying about the toy bending itself.
I will add a plunger because I’m the weird guy who would love a dick with a stick because it’s easier to jerk off a butt than to flex your elbow. I’m not a fan of bouncing on anything. It’s the most accurate leg day I can have.
You have no f***ing idea how many times my body has warned me about how inflexible I am.
So if I separate my personal preference from the quality of the product, my opinion changes quite a lot.
I wouldn’t pick it as my favourite toy for pure enjoyment, but I can absolutely understand why someone would love it.
The design does exactly what it is supposed to do: it creates a progressive challenge without relying on sheer size, and the construction, material and shape all work together surprisingly well.
That’s why my personal rating and my overall assessment aren’t exactly the same thing.
A solid 8.5/10.
I should probably stop rating toys because apparently I’m incapable of being reasonable about them.
Let’s talk
Well, if you’re still here, let’s talk about Climax Labs and the fantasy community in general.
I would love to talk more about both toys, but honestly, I didn’t have the words to explain such a physical experience. I didn’t want to make a technical review, either. This isn’t a masterpiece of engineering analysis, and I don’t think it needs to be.
But I do have to talk about Climax Labs. They’re a young brand from Spain, my home country, and I think it’s worth talking about the lack of visibility this kind of business usually gets.
If anything in this post caught your attention, please go to their website and have a quick look at their products. Support indie businesses. They have some genuinely awesome designs.
Usually, businesses like this are run by very small teams, sometimes fewer than ten people, and a lot of the work is handmade. And honestly, the art behind these products is one of the reasons I love this kind of stuff so much.
These people are doing this alongside a full-time job, or while studying, or sometimes both. And they’re doing it because they genuinely love what they’re creating.
So please, give them a follow, leave a like, or just share them with your friends. I don’t care whether my content goes viral or not, but if I can help even ten people discover their brands, I’d fucking love that. Also the same with many brands I worked with just as a mention of their incredible jobs or collabs .
Sorry everyone, after some orks came up to my place, I was so busy being submissive, I mean, following their orders, I completely forgot we had to post my Orktastic experience.
Disclaimer: This was sort of a collab, but I’m being fully honest. The design wasn’t really a toy for my taste, but it surprised me a lot. I expected a hard, even painful toy, and I struck gold.
Delivery
I must say it had been one of the sneakiest deliveries I received. I had to go like 3 times to the package center to ask them to give me 2 products from C.Labs (Climax Labs), fantasy dicks, so yeah, it was secret because I don’t think they will see me as a normal person again.
The unboxing was done by a friend of mine who didn’t know a lot about fantasy toys. So imagine a friend who is afraid of handling dicks being the one who opened the package and found perfectly closed bags (with everything except realistic dildos), followed by a keychain with a mini dildo. And also a cloth bag, very pretty for the toys.
For doing this risky task, we used the Roman position of the turtle so no one could see inside. We did it in front of a supermarket, so imagine the task of publicly unboxing fantasy dildos in front of a shop where even your high school teacher could see you.
But inside the bags there was no dick, only a mysterious ork / witch finger pointing at you. And a bunch of cute skulls blinking an eye without knowing they would see what no other non-mortal was prepared to see.
Your butthole.
Dirty as a nail
Let’s talk about one of the things that your common sense is always sure about. If you are usually the test dummy of your partner, friend, or whatever type of relationship you have with a random NPC you found on a side quest, you should know that long nails are the opposite of a pleasant experience.
Also, a toy whose idea is meant to be a dirty finger of a witch / Ork doesn’t have so much sex appeal. However, let me say that the nail was the softer part of the toy. Despite its look, it can be the difference between a hands-free experience, pushing buttons without fingers.
Tastier than a pie
Pie, pie, what rhymes with pie? Gotcha. Oh my, oh my, yeah, let’s be nasty. We will talk just a little about the experience of inside out 😜. We know is a very weird wordplay it’s not funny but we have to keep going with this review.
As the expert student of geographical relief and business whore I could call myself, after a dirty and sweaty job, I got busy. We could completely say that the relief of the toy plus the easy introduction was incroyable. Not a pleasant experience, just different.
I completely understand that this product has a lot of presence. Even with its scary look and not being very cute, it isn’t a painful toy, and neither is it hard. It was flexible enough to let you handle and guide the toy without moving it, and hard enough to keep its pose.
Did I say the nail was the best part? Pls trust me. That pointy monster can give you more than just a scary look. If we focus on the design, it is iconic. Many toys could be masterpieces of art, but my friends would remember the finger above all the others.
I’m not going to tell you the details, but sitting fully on this toy and riding that finger made me see more stars than I could count.
Ordinary
Nothing more to say. It is a very simple toy with a suction cup and a weird finger. Easy to clean, odorless, and the suction cup actually has a very useful purpose.
It sucks, in the real meaning of the word. It sucks perfectly.
I tested it in the bathtub, on wood, and on pretty much every type of floor. It sticks perfectly to tiles, and once it is attached, it is actually difficult to make it come off. The suction cup hasn’t failed at any point during my tests.
The only situation where I noticed some movement was when the floor was wet and I put my weight on it. On a dry floor, it doesn’t move at all. It also works on surfaces with relief or texture, which surprised me quite a lot.
As for the size, I would say it is medium. It is a good middle point between the bigger toys from brands outside this niche and the small-to-medium size you can find in brands that already make enormous toys. I would consider it quite thick, but the shape of the finger helps it find its way and makes it easier to press the G-spot.
The shape is also one of the most interesting things about it. It has a lot of relief, and practically every part feels different because of how irregular the shape is. Despite that, it is easy to grab from the base and control.
And honestly, the best part is still the sensation it leaves you with.
Conclusion
I would really love to make this review longer; however, fortunately, the toy does completely do its job. The only plot twist you can have is that the feeling and the relief of the toy are more different than someone would expect.
This was our first review from Climax Labs, and they surprised me. They are from Spain, which isn’t known for having this type of niche. However, the designs were so good.
If I have to rate this toy, my score would be 9/10. I really don’t know what it would need to be a 10; however, I want to be fully objective.
It was a really great experience and is a middle point between my other, bigger toys, so it helps with progressing through sizes.
I would like a larger toy for training depth, but this is a great option. Not only because of its designs, but also because it isn’t painful.
With this, I’m not saying other toys are painful. My only recommendation would be that if you are used to bigger sizes, you might have issues with the length.
Use your hand as a big and powerful f**k machine. You would love to milk this cow.
I’m really hoping to have more time alone for a second round.
Thanks for all the love we got from the previous post. This time, we’re going deeper into the grim darkness of the 41st millennium to talk about some of the Xenos races that don’t get nearly as much attention as they deserve.
Orks
Well, these ones are dumber than a rock, and they’re followed by a superior power granted by the writer. Let’s talk about the ones who prefer shouting WAAAGH! instead of writing five essays about a casus belli. They have more in common with goats smashing their heads against each other than with any other living being. The descendants of a superior race from the past somehow survived long enough to become progressively dumber. Maybe they discovered brainrot. Maybe getting dumber every generation is actually our future too.
They’re lovers of war, violence, and basically anything that can be solved by hitting it harder. And after you finish reading this, you’ll understand why. First of all, we have one of the most famous aspects of Ork technology: the power of imagination. It’s the kind of imagination we all thought we had when we were kids, thinking technology worked because of magic, colours, or tiny living creatures inside the machinery. For the Orks, that idea becomes something much more complicated because of the Waaagh! psychic field.
If many Orks share the same belief about a concept or object, that belief can have real effects. The classic example is red vehicles: if Orks believe red makes things go faster, then red vehicles actually tend to be faster. So, obviously, when you find a car, the first logical step is to paint it red because red gives you a +5 to speed in your skill tree. You don’t have an engine? Don’t worry. Just write BRRRRUM BRUM on a rock, throw away the engine, replace it with the rock, and you’ve got the best engine anyone could possibly imagine. This is completely overpowered, but Warhammer isn’t exactly known for having regularly balanced creatures.
Because when you look at the Orks, the first question should be: How the hell did a race with the collective brainpower of a wet sock survive extinction? The answer is surprisingly simple: they trade their teeth for weapons. But that’s only the beginning. Orks aren’t normal animals; they’re basically a mixture of fungus and animal, and their entire biology is designed around surviving, spreading and making more Orks.
Then we have Squigs, basically the biological equivalent of having a toolbox that someone accidentally turned into an ecosystem. They’re food, pets, mounts, weapons and transportation. They can basically fill whatever role the Orks need. You want something that works like a horse? Squig. Something like an elephant for going through the Alps? Call Hannibal Barca—but yeah, Squigs can do an elephant’s job too. Something to eat? Squig. Something to bite your enemy’s face off? Also Squig. They’re basically the Ork answer to every technological problem: «Why invent a machine when we can find a sufficiently angry animal?».
Squigs
And if that’s not enough, we need to talk about reproduction. Orks are, biologically speaking, much closer to fungi than humans are. They reproduce through spores, and when an Ork dies, its body contributes to the environment by releasing more spores. So killing an Ork doesn’t necessarily solve the problem. You kill them, they reproduce. You don’t want to fight them? They don’t care. You destroy their settlement? There will be another one. You wipe out the army? Congratulations, you’ve fertilised the battlefield.
Their biology also gives them one of their most underrated advantages: knowledge is basically built into them. Orks don’t need to discover everything from scratch. Their species carries instinctive knowledge that allows specialised Orks to become Mekboyz, Painboyz, Weirdboyz and all sorts of other wonderfully stupid professions. They might not understand science in the way humans do, but they don’t necessarily need to. They just know that certain things work.
And that’s why their technology is so weird. The lack of conventional scientific knowledge should make their technology useless. Instead, you get Orks putting together two rocks, a stick, some scrap metal and what appears to be chewing gum and somehow producing a weapon that can kill you. Their collective imagination and psychic power can reinforce their technology, their beliefs and even aspects of reality. Of course, this is where the writers have to put some limits on the concept, because otherwise an Ork could look at a rock and say «Dis is a black hole gun» and suddenly the Imperium has a very serious problem.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/tohamina
So the Orks are simultaneously one of the stupidest and most dangerous races in the entire setting. They don’t need to be efficient, rational or even understand why their technology works. They just need enough Orks to believe it works, enough Mekboyz to smash some things together, enough Squigs to solve whatever biological problem appears, and enough spores to make sure that killing them never really gets rid of them.
Orks don’t survive despite being idiots. They survive because their entire biology, culture and psychic nature are built around making sure that being an idiot doesn’t stop them from conquering the galaxy.
Sslyth
Disclaimer we will do a lot of snake jokes(spoiler I didn’t do any joke of snakes) because you get «ssssss» sound is funny and that type of jokes you laugh when your father/Mother or both left you because they prefered having a york shire than a Warhammer 40 K fan .
https://warhammer40k.fandom.com/es/wiki/Ssliz
Okay you are a Drukhari (Aeldari Faction) searching mercenaries for hiring them as bodyguards for longering your life span breeding slaanesh with blood and fear tears from your enemies , you enjoy so much those faces that being feared is kind of a kink to choose rather than love and admiration . And after years searching you found the most badass entity , a lizard with snake body and 2 pairs of arms for having 4 guns . And the complete stereotype of what a snake should be as a personality . You fall in love with them(you don’t but there won’t be many people with your level of sickness) so you have to choose if you hire them with some risks or letting it go . You can’t fix them (but you think you can ).
The dreamed bodyguards , treacherous , lethal and stronger enough to breaking a human with their hands . The complete enemies to lover any would want . Usually seen with weapons from others species and I could completely understand why . After being an Ancient race that because of addictions you would destroy your planet , I don’t think you couldn’t apply for a job that wasn’t mercenaries . The perfect representation of a Rogue , treacherous , saddic , lethal , and capable of move in all terrains . Stronger arms for climbing , a locomotive tail that help them going trough any terrain , and superior senses for searching their preys .
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/kuritafsheen77
The boyfriend you would hide from your parents for being the bad influence , «but he is too nice » , yeah sure , get out of there they will kill instead of cheating you . However I will only do my dirty job , showing a sample of that bad boy ,the dick pick you wanted but you don’t want to admit that you were interested on this snakes for their 2 dicks instead of the biological research you say to other you do .
I don’t trust that suspicious plot but anyways «🎶I’m just a Man , who would trade the world for see my son and wife 🎶» . Only don’t justify your weird taste of double penetration as a Final degree project .
Khorne / Blood God
Let’s be clear: The only way we could talk about «sexuality(Which is a big crossing line )» when referring to this monster won’t be nice. I don’t think Khorne could really be used as a sexuality term anyway; violence would be a much better description. But let’s be real: as a villain, this god is sick as fuck.
Khorne is one of the four main Chaos Gods and the number one haters of Slaanesh fan club. Of course, all four Chaos Gods hate each other, but some of them seem to have a particularly strong dislike for certain rivals.
https://warhammer40k.fandom.com/es/wiki/Khorne
Khorne is the embodiment of bloodshed, war, rage and violence, coming from some of the darkest parts of the human mind: hatred, vengeance, anger and the desire to destroy. If we had to compare him with something from Greek mythology, Ares would probably be the closest starting point. Ares is the god of war and its brutality, while Khorne takes that concept and pushes it into an almost absurd extreme. He doesn’t represent the strategy of war or the political reasons behind it. He represents the blood, the rage and the violence once the fighting has already begun.
Khorne can theoretically survive even during periods of peace because violence never completely disappears. There is always someone somewhere fighting, hating or seeking revenge, and Khorne’s entire existence is connected to those emotions. In a galaxy as ridiculously large as the Warhammer 40,000 universe, there will always be another battlefield. And if there isn’t one, well, someone will probably create one.
He absolutely hates avoiding conflict, especially when it comes to direct confrontation. His followers are drawn to melee combat, and Khorne’s philosophy is strongly associated with strength, brutality and facing your opponent rather than hiding from them. He isn’t exactly the god you would choose if your favourite combat strategy was «run away and come back tomorrow.»
Now, here’s where we move from established lore into my own interpretation. Khorne’s obsession with melee combat makes me think about the psychological difference between killing someone with a ranged weapon and killing someone with a sword.
The sword is one of the most famous weapons in human history, and it has become much more than a tool for killing. It’s the weapon of heroes, villains, kings, soldiers and executioners. But there is something particularly brutal about having to use one against another person. A soldier using a spear, a bow or later a firearm can create some physical and psychological distance between themselves and the person they’re killing. A sword doesn’t give you quite as much of that distance. You have to get close. You see the face of your enemy, you see their final moments, you feel the impact of every strike and, when the fight is over, the blood is covering your body.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/wirestock
That doesn’t mean that using a sword is objectively more traumatic than using a firearm, because that’s not something I can simply establish as a fact. I’m talking about the symbolism and psychological image surrounding the weapon. The sword forces the concept of the warrior and the victim into the same physical space. And if we interpret Khorne through that lens, I can understand why melee combat fits him so well. The blood, the physical struggle and the direct confrontation are basically everything his philosophy represents. The blood on your hands and the face of your enemy during their final breath would probably be Viagra for this god.
But violence isn’t always about killing. We often represent war with the same images: blood, corpses, dismemberment and warriors surrounded by dead bodies. Human history, however, has shown that there are many other ways of breaking an enemy. Sometimes the objective isn’t to kill them but to humiliate them, terrify them, destroy their morale or make them feel completely powerless. And this is where the sexual side of my interpretation of Khorne becomes particularly dark.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/liuzishan
Throughout history, sexual violence has been used during conflicts as a way of humiliating, dominating and psychologically destroying enemies and civilian populations. In some historical societies, including certain contexts of the ancient world, sexual violence against defeated enemies could be tolerated or treated very differently from how we understand it today.
This is also where we have to be careful with the historical comparison. The attitudes of ancient societies towards sexual behaviour were not the same as our modern concepts of sexual orientation, consent or sexuality. In some historical contexts, sexual violence against a defeated enemy could be treated as an act of domination and humiliation rather than understood through the modern concept of sexual assault. That doesn’t mean rape was seen with good eyes, because it wasn’t. The important part is that this was a red flag that some people could take advantage of: violence could be used to justify something that, outside that context, would have been considered unacceptable.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/magnific
You weren’t necessarily «having sex» with another man in the way we understand sex today. Sex requires consent to be considered sex in the consensual sense. What was happening was often framed as humiliating another man, taking away his masculinity and putting him into the position of the defeated or submissive person. And, in some societies, that could be socially easier to justify than simply loving another man. Why? Because one could be presented as violence, domination and victory, while the other challenged the expected roles of masculinity and sexuality. «VIOLENCE!» and suddenly someone has a justification for doing something horrible.
Of course, ancient societies—and even societies that existed much more recently—were far too diverse for me to claim that this was the universal attitude everywhere. Different cultures had completely different ideas about masculinity, sexuality, power and consent. The sexual element isn’t really about sex. It’s about using sexuality as another weapon of violence and humiliation.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/magnific
I’m not saying Khorne likes this. I’m Hansel, throwing the breadcrumbs on the floor. Khorne is as old as hatred, violence and conflict themselves, and let’s say that we’re talking about historical facts soooo… you can connect the dots.
I’m just looking at what humans have done throughout history and then looking at what Khorne represents. Violence, humiliation, domination, revenge, breaking the enemy and destroying their morale. Sexual violence has unfortunately been part of that history too.
And honestly, that’s considerably more disturbing.
Sorry for the quick switch-up in theme, but I found a toy whose name is Pride, soooo… you know what comes next. Hehehe… dick pic.
So after a long explanation about war we have to do our job TaLk AbOUt sEx TOys 🤪
We could summarize all of this with 2/7 of the capital sins, with Pride as the goal and Wrath as the vehicle. Wrath is the weapon that dries the blood of those who dare to defy a warrior’s pride. . This part was a very crossing line at least for me .
Rak’Gol
Here we are. After a very long essay, we’re finally going to talk about some simpler creatures and concepts that are basically designed to make you go “what the fuck am I looking at?” Khorne was mentally exhausting, so let’s give our brains a break and talk about something that requires considerably less philosophy: Rak’Gol.
https://warhammer40k.fandom.com/es/wiki/Rak%27Gol
Who are the Rak’Gol? Why are we talking about them? Well… I don’t know. They’re cool enough to deserve a mention in this post. Do they have a lot of lore to milk? Mmmm… pretty sure they don’t. But they are COOL, and honestly, sometimes that’s enough.
The Rak’Gol are one of those mysterious xenos species that feel more like a legend than something you should actually encounter. We know surprisingly little about their origins, and most of what we know comes from scattered accounts and encounters with them. Their territory is basically the Warhammer 40,000 equivalent of a Bermuda Triangle, except instead of losing your boat, you might lose your entire fucking crew. Getting through their territory is dangerous enough that encountering the Rak’Gol can feel less like meeting another civilisation and more from creatures from THE MIST the horror story written by Stephen King.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/wirestock
And what happens when you actually encounter them?
Well, the same of a usual monday , brutality , using the S.O.S call for having a feast with the living bodies . The usual breakfast.
The Rak’Gol are known for their extreme cruelty and the massacres they leave behind . They’re heavily modified, with parts of their bodies replaced or enhanced with technological weapons and machinery . Their appearance is already disturbing enough without knowing what they are capable of, and the fact that we know so little about them makes everything considerably worse.
Where did they come from? Nobody really knows. And if someone actually survives an encounter with them, good luck getting a coherent story out of them. That’s basically how legends work: “I saw something horrible out there.” Then the witness disappears, dies, or spends the rest of their life wondering why they ever went there in the first place. Typical intergalactical folklore culture .
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/rawpixel-com
Their relationship with technology is especially disturbing. They aren’t just creatures that happen to use advanced equipment; their technology can become part of their bodies. Imagine a Mechanicus adept, except instead of the religious devotion, replace it with something that looks like it escaped from a cosmic horror story. They don’t give you the comforting impression of “we have technology.” They give you the impression of “technology has happened to us.”
And then there is their radiation problem.
Or rather, their radiation advantage(Chernobyle 2.0).
Their technology and spacecraft are associated with extremely dangerous levels of radiation, partly because their propulsion systems are notoriously hazardous. But for the Rak’Gol, radiation isn’t simply an unfortunate side effect. They can apparently use it to their advantage, with their biology taking advantage of radiation and mutations rather than treating them purely as a problem. Because apparently normal evolution wasn’t fucked up enough, so they decided to add radioactive space travel to the process.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/freestockcenter
Some depictions describe them with more reptilian features, while others give them a strange mixture of reptilian and insect-like characteristics. Let’s be real I don’t think no one after having a traumatic experience would remember how they were after your minds force an amnesia to survive that experience .
Their bodies are heavily adapted and modified, and the result is something that looks less like a conventional alien species and more like someone kept throwing biological mutations and cybernetics at the same creature until nobody knew when to stop.
They also have that “I amputated my sexual organs at the age of eight because we won’t need them” kind of vibe. And honestly, I can understand the logic. I don’t think radiation would exactly be great for fertility, and asexual reproduction through cloning would probably be more practical. Although I don’t think reproduction would be a very successful activity if you had fucking saws instead of hands.
And many other human concepts probably wouldn’t mean much to them either. They simply don’t need to discuss ethics, morality or social conventions if none of those things are relevant to their way of life.
And honestly, that’s probably the best way to understand the Rak’Gol.
Thank you so much for taking your time to read this second post. This time we went through four very different sides of the Warhammer 40K . Some of them are a crossing line and other are very cool .
We don’t know yet if this post turned out better than the previous one, but we wanted to explore some unusual and darker concepts from the setting while keeping the same mix of lore, humour, curiosity and, of course, a few questionable jokes along the way.
A huge thanks to the Warhammer 40,000 universe and its creators for giving us such an absurdly deep setting to explore, and to Climax Labs, Xenocat and Darque Path for their amazing toy designs and artwork, which helped us represent some of these Xenos and characters.
Thank you for reading , I hope you like it !!!! See you soon !!!!
Warhammer 40,000 is one of the largest sci-fi universes ever created.
At first glance, it looks like just another sci-fi franchise.
In reality, it’s what happens when medieval fanaticism discovers spaceships.
Tyranids
The plague from another galaxy. A species more resilient than cockroaches and the greatest nightmares in 40K .
The evolution weaponized. They don’t need technology, guns, or religion. They are living bioengineering at its finest: every creature, every weapon, every spaceship is a living organism designed for a single purpose—to consume.
Their Genestealers infiltrate civilizations long before the invasion begins (did I said that they are very good kissers 😜), while the Hive Fleets recycle the biomass of everything they devour. Flesh, plants, animals… everything is broken down, absorbed, and turned into brand-new biological horrors.
https://warhammer40k.fandom.com/wiki/Genestealer
Imagine a bloodthirsty cockroach the size of a tank, carrying weapons made from its own flesh, while its spaceship is also alive. Welcome to the Tyranids.
If The Last of Us made you uncomfortable 🍄🟫🍄🍄🟫, the Tyranids take that idea several steps further. Wherever they arrive, they release spores that consume ecosystems, dissolve organic matter, and transform entire planets into feeding grounds. Once nothing remains, every drop of biomass is collected and shipped back to the Hive Fleet. Think of it as the most horrifying Uber Eats delivery service imaginable.
And here’s another fun fact: every Tyranid is connected to a gigantic Hive Mind through immensely powerful psychic creatures, almost like organic Wi-Fi towers. If the Hive Mind decides that tomorrow its army needs wings, acid, sharper claws, or an entirely new organism… evolution simply gets to work.
Life finds a way.
The Tyranids make sure nothing else does.
That should be enough lore for tomorrow.
Now it’s time for the part you’ve all been waiting for… the memes!
Yeah, I lied. There aren’t any memes only kinks very weird kinks .
Instead, let’s answer a far more important question: if the Tyranids made sex toys(Curious way of saying interstellar hentai with Xenos) instead of bio-weapons… what would they look like?
That’s why I picked this design from Xenocat. Let’s see just how close it gets.
Tyranids don’t need to be beautiful, intimidating, or even particularly smart. They just need to be functional enough for evolution to decide they’re worth keeping.
I honestly don’t want to imagine what evolutionary purpose this particular appendage would serve in a Tyranid organism. Knowing this faction, it’d probably end up working like a parasitic wasp… or some other biological nightmare I’d rather never experience in my lifetime.
Slaanesh
One of the four Chaos Gods, Slaanesh is the embodiment of excess. Born from the decadence of the Aeldari(Futurist Elfs), an ancient civilization so advanced that, after conquering almost every challenge, they began searching for new sensations. Pleasure became obsession, and obsession eventually embraced pain, luxury, and every possible excess.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/magnific
Without realizing it, the Aeldari gave birth to a god whose arrival doomed their own empire. Slaanesh represents the loss of restraint: pleasure without limits, perfection taken too far, beauty twisted into obsession, and desire that eventually consumes the one who seeks it.
The tentacles can be seen as a metaphor for Slaanesh’s influence: once they wrap around you, escaping becomes almost impossible. They bind not only the body but also the mind, slowly imprisoning your own desires until they no longer feel like your own.
The spikes can represent the price of indulgence. The deeper you fall into temptation, the harder it becomes to pull away without getting hurt. Pleasure and pain become inseparable, just as Slaanesh intended.
Far worse than eating the Lotus in Greek mythology.
T’Au
The speedrunners of a successful civilization. Compared to the rest of the galaxy, they’re practically the hippies of Warhammer 40,000. While everyone else is busy committing genocide, summoning daemons, or trying to eat the universe, the T’au genuinely believe different species can cooperate under a single ideal.
…There’s just one tiny catch.
The Greater Good always comes before the individual. Self-care, personal ambition, or following your own dreams only matter if they benefit society as a whole. Every caste has its purpose: Fire fights, Earth builds, Air explores, and Water negotiates. Your life is planned from the moment you’re born.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/brgfx
Their doctrine is called T’au’va… not Tao Te Ching. Easy mistake.
Interracial porn? Not exactly. If you’re born into a caste, you’re expected to reproduce within that caste to preserve the social order. Turns out the hippies have some surprisingly strict rules.
Ironically, joining the T’au Empire is often easier than being born into it.
Oh… and they have giant mechs (you don’t need context there are mechs)!!!!
Not simply because it’s a sex toy (although that certainly helps), but because its design immediately gives off T’au vibes. It’s not quite beast, not quite human. Sleek, elegant, and surprisingly fragile-looking—just like the T’au themselves.
Unlike most of the designs we’ve looked at so far, this one doesn’t rely on monstrous features, excessive spikes, or organic horror. Everything feels deliberate, clean, and engineered.
That perfectly matches the T’au philosophy. They don’t solve problems with claws or brute force. They’d much rather stay a few hundred meters away, let their railguns, pulse rifles, and battlesuits do the talking, and call it a victory for the Greater Good.
Kroots
One of the T’au Empire’s closest allies, and arguably the best battle partners you could ask for. Imagine someone mixed a lizard, a kobold, and an eagle… then somehow created the platypus of the xenos.
Image from WH40K community
Unlike most species in Warhammer 40,000, the Kroot weren’t conquered. They joined the T’au willingly and still preserve their own culture, traditions, and way of life. Those weird biological horrors we talked about earlier? The Kroot would probably look at them and think:
«Free protein.»
At first glance, they’re primitive hunters carrying blades, rifles, and a worrying enthusiasm for close combat. Standing next to T’au soldiers equipped with plasma weapons and towering battlesuits, they don’t exactly look impressive.
Until you learn about their little genetic superpower.
Kroot don’t eat their enemies just because they’re hungry. They absorb useful genetic traits from whatever they consume. Stronger muscles. Better eyesight. Sharper senses. Faster reflexes.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/sergeycauselove
Imagine crash-landing on an unknown planet where every creature is trying to kill you… and instead of studying the local wildlife, your first instinct is to cook it and see if you level up afterward.
They are basically doing a Spore (the videogame) speedrun. Their leaders—called Shapers—act like the player, deciding exactly what the tribe should eat to unlock the next evolutionary upgrade.
Unlike the T’au, the Kroot don’t care about elegance, symmetry, or futuristic engineering. Everything about them is built around one simple principle:
If it works, keep it.
If eating it makes you stronger… even better.
So, let’s see how close our next design gets to this lore. Keeping in mind everything we just mentioned, it’s hard to say exactly how much their rapid evolution could change a Kroot’s anatomy. Sure, they might look like a genetic mashup between a vulture, a hornbill, and a velociraptor on the outside… but let’s be honest. If your entire species operates like a biological blender, constantly absorbing the DNA of alien monsters, apex predators, and whatever else crosses your plate, your… lower anatomy is going to get pretty wild.
To demonstrate this, we’re bringing in a very special guest: Cassiusfrom Na’Quora, an avian fellow who completely volunteered for this modeling session.
As you can see, this is the absolute closest match I could find for this faction!
Hopefully, you all enjoyed this massive deep dive. The main goal here was to blend the wild lore of these factions with the showcases, rather than just dropping standard toy reviews. Diving into the Warhammer 40K universe has been an absolute trip, leaving me with way more knowledge than could ever fit onto a single blog post.
Including the Orks was definitely on the table, but considering they reproduce by violently releasing spores after dying… yeah, finding a toy to represent that would have made things way too complicated.
However, if you want a Part 2, please show this post the love it deserves and share it with anyone crazy enough to read it. Love you all!!!! .
Listen here, future non-hunters. I don’t think the Hunter’s Guild will approve this post, and neither do I. I don’t think anyone has ever played this game and said, «Damn, that Brachydios is flirting with me,» or «Pls Bulldrome, make me yours»… butttttt….. I can’t defend this point of view anymore, srry.
Anyways, a couple of days ago I asked the Bad Dragon community why there aren’t toys from this saga. I’ve seen references to Jurassic Park, Alien, Star Wars, and we even did a Resident Evil list. I’ve seen a lot of fantasy ideas, but Monster Hunter? No one. Well, some Reddit user commented to tell me that a maker called XenoCat actually made a color pattern for each mob (Monster) –> Monster Inbound .
However , let’s show our contestants…!!! (Cue «Proof of a Hero») We will need backups, there is more than 1 Elder Dragon here. Be ready, eat at the canteen, and let’s forge some boots.
Despite this monster isn’t the favorite of many people, but being the premium cousin of Radobaan is always a good point. However, this is not a hard choice: look at Radobaan’s house and then look at that shiny armor. Jhora the World Eater was the winner for the auditions
Our shiny knight
Green Flags: this «little guy» is perfect for making toys out of. First, he can make you sleepy, which is a very good point (sleeping after climax gets a solid 10/10 on HunterAdvisor). And second, due to the heat inside of him, he can warm up your…. well, you know, this isn’t a lore wiki.
We can think of lore ideas where these toys are made from the spikes on his back, or maybe you are just a little pervert who wants to make out with a giant fantasy animal that is highly likely to end up killing you. But that won’t scare you at all. A gold dildo is like the premium of premiums, just think twice.
Imagine fusing a skinless werewolf with an eel. Well, we have the ADHD monster that is an Odogaron. Lethal and fast as an eel, you choose which one you are going to fight: the dragon element (Ebony) or the normal type.
This is just a psycho with a massive bloodthirst doing acrobatics that might impress you on your first date. But after the hemorrhage… I actually think some of you would still love to have another date with him.
https://monsterhunternow.com/es/monsters/odogaron
Look at those claws and that mouth; for sure he is going to bite with true passion. Maybe you lose your shoulder… I’m not going to compare having a ravishing passion to losing a shoulder. I love my shoulders.
Oh, look at that… maybe losing a shoulder wouldn’t be that bad, right??? I mean, he isn’t so big… Maybe if I give him some raw meat he would change his mind??? I dunno.
The ego of an emperor and the cruelty of the Queen of Hearts comes Kulve Taroth, fully dressed in the purest gold. A total Diva. Those horns never came with innocent intentions. With her dark skin and the impossibility of killing such a Queen, we can only toe the line with the leftovers of her clothes: that Aureus cloak.
The other day we saw some of the power of the dragon. At least it was a shiny replica (Wandering Bard Toy)—I can’t even make out what it would be like having one of the real ones in my hands. As you can see, this is just a replica of the power of a dragon; we definitely couldn’t handle the real size.
Known as the ghost of the taiga, this creature is the ultimate hybrid between an avian and an exotic feline. Does the silhouette sound familiar? Imagine a massive, exotic feline sporting an avian beak and razor-sharp tail feathers.
If we can find human twins born in completely different parts of the world, why can’t we connect creatures with identical ways of hunting? The Alabaster is exactly that: a multiversal twin, a hybrid born from different realities but sharing the same lethal, beautiful nature.
They told us it was a monster. They lied. Our giant kitty cat is innocent and pure, it only wants to give hugs and kisses! 🥺 It was completely demonized by the Hunters, brainwashing us with lies about its ‘ferocity’. I am completely against this anti-wyvern propaganda. Justice for the taiga ghost!
Even his D is a biological marvel, beautiful like a peacock with those feathers! 🦚 He only wants to be pet… and so do you, you f..ing creeps. Dirty minds! You think this was about f..ing monsters?! THIS IS PURE BIOLOGICAL RESEARCH. 🧬
The single idea that I would smash such a beautiful creature is insane… though I wouldn’t mind doing it or letting you do it. They are my precious babies! Maybe we can share before we get executed by the Hunter’s Guild… 🐉💀
Thanks to
Before I get carted, huge thanks to the r/BadDragon community for giving me the research material and showing me the brands making these must-see MH toys. Massive thanks to XenoCat for giving me the green light to expose their beautiful specimens here, and an honorable mention to Wandering Bard Toys—their post on X about the Dragon’s Tail was the catalyst for this whole crazy idea.
I really hope you enjoyed this post! It’s pure chaos, but what is science without a little madness and readers willing to view it? If you enjoyed this biological research, feel free to check out my other posts. To support the cause, drop an upvote or share this with your fellow hunters. If you want to fund my research, you can donate in Educoffee. This content is totally free and ad-free for your reading pleasure. See you at the canteen! 🍖🍻
Yes, I have ADHD and my new hyperfixation is Resident Evil. I’ve played several of their games this month, and I’m quite sure that some of their mutated creatures might not seem like the best option for conventionally attractive toys. But what if that is exactly the point? We have to remember that the most unique Resident Evil fantasy toys are chosen primarily for their incredible, monstrous designs.
If you’ve played Resident Evil 0, you definitely remember the Leech Zombie. A relentless, slimy nightmare made entirely of… well, you know. They were an absolute headache of an enemy. There is something uniquely terrifying about a slippery opponent that just absorbs your bullets, leaving you feeling completely helpless
Enter The Ovistem by Xenocat Artifacts. It was love at first sight. I was actively searching for a product that captured the eerie vibe of those bio-organic enemies, and this toy is simply unforgettable. (I’ll drop an image of the RE0 Leech Zombie below for those who luckily blocked that trauma from their memory).
Let’s be honest: glowing in the dark and laying eggs inside people might not be the traditional way to make friends, but in the realm of monster fantasy… it’s a masterpiece.»
Yeah, we know the name is a cheeky wink to a certain black-suited, tongue-wielding antihero—whose cinematic universe has seen quite the decline lately thanks to some ‘unexpected’ box office choices… But let’s focus on the real survival horror.
In the Resident Evil universe, these mutant creatures were human once upon a time, now reduced to the gruesome result of a second metamorphosis caused by the T-Virus. We’ve always been terrified of how menacing those razor-sharp tongues look in the games, but what if we switched places? Oh wait, I didn’t say anything…
Have you ever wondered what a ‘butt kiss’ from a Licker feels like? Well, now you can find out. Just make sure you take the necessary precautions to survive the encounter.
your next partner
And remember the golden rule of surviving the Raccoon City Police Department: Don’t be too loud. We don’t want to attract more than one… though I’m not here to judge if you think you can take four of them at the same time.
Disclaimer: The Resident Evil world is pretty fucked up, but getting intimate with a Licker is basically the new B.O.W. Tinder.
If you have a good memory for traumatic events, you definitely haven’t forgotten the sheer panic of being incubated by a mutant insect (drain demoss)—or whatever the hell that gross shit was from resident Evil 3. Think you could handle more than that? Are you sure? Because you never really know what’s waiting in the dark.
What could possibly be worse, you ask? Well, imagine exploring a dark cave and suddenly realizing you are entirely surrounded by a single massive centipede… and it wants to get very, very intimate with your mouth.
Still think it couldn’t get worse? Allow me to introduce you to Imago. Imago isn’t just a big bug. Imago is a massive, T-Veronica style centipede-dragon that lives in volcanic exhaust tunnels and is completely resistant to fire . Great now the cockroaches tanks fire . Imago 1 , Helldivers 0 . «Quien tenga miedo a morir que no nazca » .
If there’s one thing Resident Evil taught us, it’s that gardening in a secret laboratory is a terrible, terrible idea. We’ve all been there: running through the hallways of the Spencer Mansion (the grenade launche was my best friend , I didn’t discovered there was another way) or the NEST labs, praying that the giant, mutated vines hanging from the ceiling wouldn’t turn our heads into a salad. Whether it was the Plant 42 or those acid-spitting Ivy freaks, we learned the hard way that ‘organic’ usually means ‘it wants to eat you.’
But what if you could take a piece of that botanical nightmare home? Without the whole ‘dissolving your skin with enzymes’ part?
This isn’t your grandma’s tulip. Looking at it, you can almost hear the wet, squelching sound of a T-Virus mutation in full bloom. It has that eerie, organic shape—half-alien seed, half-mutated organ—that looks like it was plucked straight from the humid corridors of a contaminated greenhouse.
As Ian Malcolm famously said in Jurassic Park: ‘Life finds a way.’ And if you don’t believe me, give this plant a try. Just remember: unlike the green herbs in the game, this bulb won’t heal your wounds… but it will certainly make you forget them. Are you ready to let it take root?
Let’s be honest: we all know that ‘Las Plagas’ from Resident Evil 4 couldn’t possibly be from this planet. The idea of ancient, fossilized parasites that take absolute control and form a perfect symbiosis with their hosts screams extraterrestrial origin. It’s entirely plausible that the Plaga originally arrived on Earth via a meteorite, evolving in the dark over millennia.
But what if we finally found the source? The original cosmic strain?
Phobos is a fallen star seed that crashed into a remote swampland, taking root and infesting the entire crash site. Unlike the parasites we dealt with in rural Spain, this mutated specimen is completely blind. Its ‘toy’ form is based entirely on its tendrils—each appendage is packed with sensitive nodes that act as its eyes and taste buds, exploring every inch of you.
But here is where the true symbiosis begins: its central body emits a potent hallucinogenic substance designed to relax your muscles and pull you into a distorted, euphoric state for up to two hours. Its only goal is to bond with new species, share experiences through a deep mind-link, and ensure its uniquely beautiful survival.
Are you ready to make first contact and let the parasite take control?
Well, there you have it. If you love Resident Evil as much as I do, you’ll understand why this recent hyperfixation of mine completely took over. I’ve always loved rating the sheer creativity behind the designs of these toys.
Thanks to:
A massive shoutout to Xenocatfor helping us make this post happen—they craft absolute monstrosities (in the best way possible).
Also, a quick reminder: this content is completely free and ad-free. I’d much rather give you a clean, immersive experience than ruin the vibe just to earn a few pennies. If you’d like to help me pay for the website’s hosting, there’s a donation button around here somewhere. But honestly? I value interaction way more. I’d rather connect and talk with fellow freaks like me.
Leave a comment, share your favorite B.O.W., and let’s freak out. See you soon!
We know you love bringing dirty toys to the airports so we discussed and investigated looking up for keeping up your dignity and pleasure . It also works with parents but don’t tell them .
We know many of you still living with your parents and even with roommates , well this wouldn’t be something to worry after you read this top discretion agent 07 .
You read that correctly. We know many of you lose your minds dealing with the daily commute on the bus or just trying to survive the stress of being at home. Well, MythToys took advantage of this, completely solving a problem you didn’t even know you had.
Say hello to ‘The Pod’. This smart sonic sucker is the perfect option for those who want something ultra-portable that blends seamlessly into your purse, backpack, or nightstand. It’s the ultimate sneaky toy, making sure your favorite stress-relief device is available whenever you need to «tune out the world» for a few minutes.
Just a quick warning: no matter how much it looks like next-generation high-end tech… please don’t try to connect it to Spotify, and definitely don’t stick it in your ear. It goes somewhere else.
(And hey, if you want to upgrade your daily commute, you can grab this tech marvel at MythToys. Use the code SENSA10 for a 10% discount. Cheaper than actual AirPods, and way more fun).
We are about to save your anniversary. Stop panicking and think about it for five seconds: is there anything more deeply romantic than literally giving your partner your heart?
Enter another genius portable toy from our friends and blog collaborators at Funzze. They have already surprised us with some of their previous products, but they did it again. They’ve created a tiny, pocket-sized heart that looks so innocent, even the most standard cis guy wouldn’t mind carrying it on his keychain.
But for those who haven’t caught on yet: this is a clitoral suction toy. It’s designed to suck your blood—sorry, I mean, suck the soul right out of your body in the best way possible.
This is your true pumping moment. We are 100% sure that after using this, your partner will be hitting those high notes from the OG song: What is loooveee… baby don’t hurt me… ***
Hailing from the desolate depths of the ancient Crystal Peak mines—where a tiny, silent Knight once fought against crushing loneliness and the radiant orange infection of his society—comes this mesmerizing artifact.
Just like the shimmering, hypnotic veins that lined those infected mines, this shard reacts intensely to UV light. Bathe it in blacklight, and it pulses with a captivating, radioactive glow, as if infused with the very soul of the crystals. No super-dash required to harness this power; just get ready for a radiant experience that will light up your own dark corners. Conquering your loneliness has never looked so brilliant.
Now, here is the golden rule if you ever show this glowing masterpiece to anyone. If they are fans of the Hollow Knight saga and they ask you about it, give them a knowing nod and confirm it’s a direct tribute to the game.
But for those who don’t know anything about the game? Look them dead in the eye and tell them it’s a highly volatile, unrefined gem sourced straight from a classified African mine. Disclaimer : We do not support imperialism .
Picture this: It’s the peak of New Year’s Eve, the fireworks are going off, and you’ve just won the Formula 1 World Championship. Congratulations, champion. As a reward for your glorious victory, you are gifted an exclusive, mysterious bottle of vintage called Du Champagne Sur Les Fesses.
Being the rich, sophisticated, and incredibly wise person you are, you don’t just pop it right away. You hide this masterpiece in the darkest, most secure corner of your closet, reserving it for a truly monumental occasion.
Fast forward to your wedding night. The ultimate special occasion. But as you grab the bottle and try to open it, reality hits you. You try to pop the cork, only to realize there is no cork. Just a surprisingly wide, suction-cup base.
You look at the bottle. Then you look at the label ‘Sur Les Fesses’ (literally: On the Ass). Then you look at your partner, who is smiling wickedly. Suddenly, you understand why they kept it hidden in the dark all this time… and you realize exactly how you two are going to celebrate tonight. And spoiler alert: it doesn’t involve drinking glasses.
THE END
I’m incredibly happy to announce that after a lot of hard work behind the scenes, we’ve officially landed our very first affiliate code!
Using this code not only guarantees you a sweet discount on your new «stealth tech», but it directly helps fund this website. Don’t worry, our vibe isn’t changing. We will continue working with high-quality brands to bring you the exact same brutally honest, comedic content you’re used to.
If you had a good laugh today and want to support the blog even further, you can click on my Educoffee and literally buy me a coffee to keep the engine running.
What did you think of today’s list? What other wild topics or weird gadgets would you love to see me review next? Drop all your ideas in the comments below. Stay stealthy! 🤫😮💨
Have you ever thought about how, in a D&D game, what type of magic you’d need to tame drakes, kobolds, goblins, etc…? As we know, if I kept listing all the living creatures my spell could affect, it would never end. 😅
We are going to be in a normal bard’s bag: a lyre, flute, trumpet, drums, tambourines… and some sticky toys at the very bottom. Next to the toys… a Bible? We simply don’t ask. 😏
https://www.freepik.com/author/freepik
After this long intro, I want to talk about my ideal kit for taming & training for allure and seduction—even of the evil monsters. 🪄
This is a classic in fantasy (and non-fantasy) worlds. Is there anything more badass than feeling strong power inside you? 💥
Remember, this is part of our training kit. 10/10 if you want to train your width and maybe learn some cantrips. We don’t know where it came from, but with this, our bard is always in a good mood. 😎
Yes, I’m talking in third person… I’m too shy to admit I love magic fisting with a magic hand 😏. Magic powers and magic pleasure combined—did I say it’s magical? 🔮
I was thinking… why does the crew always hate the bard for having “great ideas”? But I’ve never seen a rogue relaxing a barbarian in berserk mode. How do you convince someone whose gray matter is equivalent to a peanut? 🤯
This is why, if you want a bard from challenger level instead of silver, you have to train your reflexes and parries. And yes… I made a mold of his “sword” just in case he lost it 😈
Don’t get me wrong, this is the real deal. It’s said to amplify your magical power—about the equivalent of a rabbit leg 🐇. I hoped for luck, and apparently, it works. 🍀
You might expect a long story about demons attacking us, succubi, and incubus… but the truth is simpler. A shadow demon crashed into a tree the night before and died next to a rat it tried to… well, let’s just say the dice rolled a 1. 🎲 LACK OF SEX
At first, my racist crew didn’t even know what a Firbolg was 😅. They are like humanoid cows fused with a handsome troll 🐮🧌. I really loved them when I first met them, but we disagreed on many things. They loved nature, but I needed a lyre made of their sacred tree… so I chose wisely. 🌳
Let’s just say some magic happened, and I got very close to one of my new companions. A very good boy, inside and out 😏❤️
Breaking up with someone you used to love isn’t fair, and it’s very hard—at least that’s what my old lovers said. 💔
Thanks to wardering bard toys for this incredible desingns based in what anyone could have during a D&D campaing. Love you all hope you still playing as a OTP Bard . See you soon !!!!!.
Inspired by roleplay games, I decided to assemble my ideal crew, chosen not only for their skills and races, but also for how their sticks and pussys reflect their personalities in a DnD campaign.
Druid-Squish
Don’t understimate this small duck , he is the more powerful sorcerer in the 8 kingdoms , cursered by his master , afraid of his vanity and pride wasn’t qualities a Druid would have ,he can shapeshift to any form he wishes except his/her original form of Kobold .
We need a solid frontline, someone with thick scales and almost impenetrable skin, and that’s why I’ve chosen a Lizard for this role. With flameable potential and natural resilience, the Fighter can absorb punishment and lead attacks with elegance.
I’ve picked Kinky Cobra, a sub of the Red Prince, whose sneaky swordplay matches his noble background. His spear and armor enhance his natural prowess, turning even a straightforward duel into a spectacle of strategy and precision. In the party, he’s the shield we stay behind, opening paths for everyone else while maintaining style.
The silence is her friend. Sahleen, the anthro cat, grew up in the darkest and most dangerous streets of the kingdom. Even before she could speak, she was stealing jewelry from the rich with nothing but her paws and her cunning. Her life has always been about slipping past dangers unnoticed, moving like a shadow where others stumble and fall.
Her boldest heist, the crown of the kingdom itself, went wrong—the guards caught her, and she was thrown into the dungeon. But freedom was inevitable, and it didn’t take long before she escaped, leaving nothing but whispers and empty cells behind her.
https://bad-dragon.com/products/sahleen
She’s elegant, lethal, and mischievous, a perfect femme fatale. Wherever stealth, sabotage, or secrets are needed, Sahleen is already there, waiting in the shadows. Don’t mistake her beauty for weakness—her allure has assassinated many soldiers without hesitation. And though she would never admit it, she felt herself drawn to Kinky Cobra, the noble Fighter whose strength and elegance complement her own cunning perfectly.
Coming from another reality, a natural disaster transformed him into the bloody killer he is today. Don’t beg mercy for the past—the word itself has lost all meaning. Without a home or friends, he wanders in search of new battles to recover the meaning of life after the disaster.
https://bad-dragon.com/products/stan
He is the tank, the unstoppable Barbarian, who doesn’t care about glory or his fellows. He only wants to feel happiness again. Sickened by treason and false words, he will protect those who don’t run at the sight of him. He is not evil—just exhausted from fighting his own mind instead of the true enemies.
Don’t ask him about jewelry or weapons—with his teeth and size, you would need an army of a thousand arrows just to make him lie down.
Coming from the lost kingdom of Agartha, a hidden realm made secret by the enchanting songs of its merfolk, he has always lived between legend and ego. Proud of making ship crews fight each other, he calls himself the Underwater Diva—and one can only imagine the scale of that ego.
He left his home searching for opportunities in the opera, but his singing was so extraordinary that no one could rank it objectively. Eventually, he discovered the power of touching the battery—an absolute rockstar, capable of inspiring courage and lifting allies to fight even the undefeatable.
In the party, the Bard is the spark, the motivator, and the manipulator of moods. His presence turns any battle into a performance, his songs guide the group, and his ego is as mighty as his magic. He doesn’t just fight—he makes others feel unstoppable.
I don’t think any crew could make them bite the dust. Each member has different objectives, but they share one destiny: to defeat gods, whether for a better world… or for their own selfish ambitions.
Well, this is the kind of thing I do when I love a design and want them all but don’t have a billionaire’s budget. These were also my first experience with fantasy sex toys after joining a furry Discord they were obsessed with Bad Dragon. I really love the designs of all of them, especially the draconic ones. For me, they look so cool that I could even use them as house decorations if I could.
I’m also a big fan of dinosaurs and Monster Hunter, and just look at these! I love the part in the video game when the OG looks at the camera and says, “I’m the Monster Fucker”—oh wait, I think it was Monster Hunter. Anyway, they don’t really talk throughout the game.
Which I prefer to call «Anubis el rompeculos,» Spanish joke, hehe. Well, I really love the marks on it; I know this might sound stupid, but it looked so mythical. I mean, it has the aura, and I love that. Also, the color of the model I see is perfect — my favorite color is purple. What a coincidence. I really hope the archaeologist who discovered this artifact didn’t use it.
My «judgement» after life has to be so good that even if the feather weighs more than the heart, I’ll stay alive. This is my plan: I will train all my life with these toys. And when he goes along with me… BANG! I flirt with him and save my life. Perfect plan.
If you are scared of the abyssal, don’t go to the wasteland, the habitat of an old experiment, whose prey are those who go near the glowing stick fallen on the floor. Like abyssal fishes, it hunts the same way, creates a distraction, and seconds before you notice, you are in danger as it jumps at you.
Don’t underestimate a failed experiment that has the ability to adapt to the ecosystem. The glow of its skin doesn’t come from the laboratory; it comes from the radioactive food, which surprisingly helps in its dark hunts. Some others who said they saw him, looking aroused, claimed he jumped on them in a different way.
After thousands of years of boredom, Taurion followed Ariadna’s thread and discovered that a red string can lead to opportunities—even in the adult industry. He’s famous in the fisting category because while he may lack length, his width more than compensates.
Imagine a mountain forged by calamity; his scales are so tough that not even a dark arrow could pierce them. The greed of this dragon isn’t new to us—he uses all the gems he steals as decorations for his shiny armor. Who in their right mind would want to be near such a creature, surrounded by gems, rocks, and stone?
He knows the scent of a dwarf and finds it disgusting. He’s got more style than those dirty miners. But he can’t go far—his weight prevents him from flying away. When he was a pup, he was more of a dragon than the drake he is now. Yet, spending so much time alone may have awakened some unusual thoughts. In his reproductive age, he might start looking for a partner to stay with.
Do you want his gems? Would you dare take advantage of him?
Such a cute name for someone who doesn’t need to use his arms for opening your legs. As I said before, I’m quite a fan of dinosaurs and Stan T-rex is one of my favorites, I don’t know why. Jurassic Park was a good film, but Stan made me think of possibilities that younger me didn’t dream of before.
The park may have had rules, pens, and boundaries, but Stan doesn’t just sit there. He knows how to make an entrance, breaking free when the situation allows it, showing that he’s not just powerful but also clever.
Now I wonder—should I cut off the electricity and have some fun, or listen to my fear? Either way, the unleashed beast is in charge. Should I go say hello or let him take the lead? (Without hands.) I’m so nervous.
Honor Mentions
I decided to honor a few toys that fought their way close to these positions but didn’t quite make the final cut. It wasn’t them , It was me .
Get ready for the best cunnilingus you’ll ever experience. Winston is the definition of versatile—like a 4×4 Land Rover, he’s ready for anything: dirt, clean, front, back. He doesn’t give a damn—his mother taught him to taste everything. Such a kind, fearless guy.
Winter is short, but with Echo the Snow Strider, you can stride through it like never before. Every slope, every curve, every ridge along his shaft makes you feel like you’re gliding through icy trails, riding the winter spirit.
He warms you from the inside out as you move, and just like a true strider, he lets you conquer every peak and dip with control and pleasure. Do you want to keep winter during summer ? .
This crazy top was created for entertainment and to showcase my favorite design of Bad Dragon. I wrote this entirely on my own; it’s not a promotion, I’m not affiliated with the brand, I simply love the designs of these toys. If you want to see more tops like this, don’t forget to check out : Spooky Toys, Hankey’s Toys Tier List , and Fantasy Grinders.
I would appreciate it a lot if you enjoy my content — please comment, leave a like, or give me a follow. Sharing would be lovely too. Thank you all for reading this. I love you all! Or just tell me: do you like being pegged? Would you love to have these toys? Or maybe you already own one? I hope you love this world as much as I do. See you soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!🍑❤️
