Sorry everyone, after some orks came up to my place, I was so busy being submissive, I mean, following their orders, I completely forgot we had to post my Orktastic experience.
Disclaimer: This was sort of a collab, but I’m being fully honest. The design wasn’t really a toy for my taste, but it surprised me a lot. I expected a hard, even painful toy, and I struck gold.
Delivery
I must say it had been one of the sneakiest deliveries I received. I had to go like 3 times to the package center to ask them to give me 2 products from C.Labs (Climax Labs), fantasy dicks, so yeah, it was secret because I don’t think they will see me as a normal person again.
The unboxing was done by a friend of mine who didn’t know a lot about fantasy toys. So imagine a friend who is afraid of handling dicks being the one who opened the package and found perfectly closed bags (with everything except realistic dildos), followed by a keychain with a mini dildo. And also a cloth bag, very pretty for the toys.
For doing this risky task, we used the Roman position of the turtle so no one could see inside. We did it in front of a supermarket, so imagine the task of publicly unboxing fantasy dildos in front of a shop where even your high school teacher could see you.
But inside the bags there was no dick, only a mysterious ork / witch finger pointing at you. And a bunch of cute skulls blinking an eye without knowing they would see what no other non-mortal was prepared to see.
Your butthole.
Dirty as a nail
Let’s talk about one of the things that your common sense is always sure about. If you are usually the test dummy of your partner, friend, or whatever type of relationship you have with a random NPC you found on a side quest, you should know that long nails are the opposite of a pleasant experience.
Also, a toy whose idea is meant to be a dirty finger of a witch / Ork doesn’t have so much sex appeal. However, let me say that the nail was the softer part of the toy. Despite its look, it can be the difference between a hands-free experience, pushing buttons without fingers.
Tastier than a pie
Pie, pie, what rhymes with pie? Gotcha. Oh my, oh my, yeah, let’s be nasty. We will talk just a little about the experience of inside out 😜. We know is a very weird wordplay it’s not funny but we have to keep going with this review.
As the expert student of geographical relief and business whore I could call myself, after a dirty and sweaty job, I got busy. We could completely say that the relief of the toy plus the easy introduction was incroyable. Not a pleasant experience, just different.
I completely understand that this product has a lot of presence. Even with its scary look and not being very cute, it isn’t a painful toy, and neither is it hard. It was flexible enough to let you handle and guide the toy without moving it, and hard enough to keep its pose.
Did I say the nail was the best part? Pls trust me. That pointy monster can give you more than just a scary look. If we focus on the design, it is iconic. Many toys could be masterpieces of art, but my friends would remember the finger above all the others.
I’m not going to tell you the details, but sitting fully on this toy and riding that finger made me see more stars than I could count.
Ordinary
Nothing more to say. It is a very simple toy with a suction cup and a weird finger. Easy to clean, odorless, and the suction cup actually has a very useful purpose.
It sucks, in the real meaning of the word. It sucks perfectly.
I tested it in the bathtub, on wood, and on pretty much every type of floor. It sticks perfectly to tiles, and once it is attached, it is actually difficult to make it come off. The suction cup hasn’t failed at any point during my tests.
The only situation where I noticed some movement was when the floor was wet and I put my weight on it. On a dry floor, it doesn’t move at all. It also works on surfaces with relief or texture, which surprised me quite a lot.
As for the size, I would say it is medium. It is a good middle point between the bigger toys from brands outside this niche and the small-to-medium size you can find in brands that already make enormous toys. I would consider it quite thick, but the shape of the finger helps it find its way and makes it easier to press the G-spot.
The shape is also one of the most interesting things about it. It has a lot of relief, and practically every part feels different because of how irregular the shape is. Despite that, it is easy to grab from the base and control.
And honestly, the best part is still the sensation it leaves you with.
Conclusion
I would really love to make this review longer; however, fortunately, the toy does completely do its job. The only plot twist you can have is that the feeling and the relief of the toy are more different than someone would expect.
This was our first review from Climax Labs, and they surprised me. They are from Spain, which isn’t known for having this type of niche. However, the designs were so good.
If I have to rate this toy, my score would be 9/10. I really don’t know what it would need to be a 10; however, I want to be fully objective.
It was a really great experience and is a middle point between my other, bigger toys, so it helps with progressing through sizes.
I would like a larger toy for training depth, but this is a great option. Not only because of its designs, but also because it isn’t painful.
With this, I’m not saying other toys are painful. My only recommendation would be that if you are used to bigger sizes, you might have issues with the length.
Use your hand as a big and powerful f**k machine. You would love to milk this cow.
I’m really hoping to have more time alone for a second round.
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