We want to filter out all the noise, because I’m sure many of you have heard the clichés: that non-monogamous people are immature, that they don’t want to commit, or that they simply don’t want to take responsibility for their actions.
Well, let me tell you that these assumptions are not what defines a healthy non-monogamous relationship.
Of course, these relationships can go wrong. People can hurt you, break your trust, or even leave you for someone else. I’m not going to pretend otherwise. But if someone wants to replace you, they can do so regardless of the relationship structure you have.
The real question isn’t whether a relationship is monogamous or non-monogamous, but how the people involved treat each other.
Monogamy
Let’s start with a classic that most of you will already know.
Traditional Monogamy
This is the idealized version of monogamy: you are emotionally and romantically attached to your partner, and you never feel any attraction towards anyone outside your relationship.
Surprisingly, this ideal is unrealistic for many people. Being in love doesn’t necessarily make you blind to everyone else, and finding another person attractive doesn’t automatically mean you love your partner any less.
Now let’s focus on how monogamy works in practice.
Both people in a relationship can experience attraction towards others. However, they choose to remain together and respect the boundaries and agreements they have established.
The difference isn’t necessarily the absence of attraction, but what you choose to do with it.
Non-Monogamy
Now let’s talk about two of the best-known forms of consensual non-monogamy: open relationships and polyamory.
Open Relationships
As the name suggests, an open relationship allows its members to have sexual encounters with people outside their relationship.
However, romantic relationships with those people are generally outside the scope of the agreement. The focus is usually on allowing sexual freedom while maintaining a romantic partnership between the original partners.
Of course, every relationship is different, and the exact boundaries depend on the agreements between the people involved.
Polyamory
Polyamory is the possibility of having multiple romantic relationships with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
Unlike a typical open relationship, where outside encounters are often primarily sexual, polyamory allows people to develop emotional connections, fall in love, and build committed relationships with multiple partners.
That doesn’t mean that anything goes. Consent, communication, honesty, and mutually understood boundaries remain essential.
Depending on how these relationships are organized, we can distinguish between two broad approaches.
Hierarchical Polyamory
In hierarchical polyamory, some relationships have a higher priority than others.
For example, someone might have a primary partner whose relationship takes precedence when it comes to certain decisions, commitments, or shared responsibilities.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that other relationships are less meaningful. However, there is an acknowledged difference in priority, and that difference can influence how the relationships develop.
Non-Hierarchical Polyamory
In non-hierarchical polyamory, relationships aren’t automatically ranked according to a predefined hierarchy.
The people involved aim to avoid assigning partners a higher or lower status simply because of a label or relationship category.
However, this doesn’t mean every relationship will have the same impact, involve the same commitments, or receive exactly the same amount of time and attention. Different relationships can have different needs while still being valued in their own right.
Ultimately, the goal is to build relationships based on the needs, boundaries, and agreements of the people involved rather than following a predetermined ranking system.
Different Ways to Organize Non-Monogamous Relationships
As you can see, human relationships can have different members, shapes, and even flavours. Let’s explore some of the ways people can organize their relationships.
Throuple and Larger Groups
Let’s start with something relatively simple: a throuple.
A throuple is a romantic relationship involving three people who are all romantically involved with each other.
Think of it as a network rather than a single relationship: people can be connected indirectly through their partners, creating a larger web of relationships. We can even call them constellation each member have their own system .
Solo Polyamory
Solo polyamory is an approach in which someone maintains multiple romantic relationships while prioritizing their independence and autonomy.
They might not want to live with a partner, merge finances, or follow the traditional expectation that relationships should progress towards cohabitation or marriage.
That doesn’t mean they avoid commitment or emotional intimacy. They can have deep, meaningful, long-term relationships without making a single partner the center of their life.
Different Structures, Different Needs
These examples show that non-monogamy doesn’t follow a single blueprint.
Some people prefer a closed group, others prefer relationships that develop independently, and some are comfortable being part of a wider network of connections.
None of these structures automatically determines whether a relationship is healthy, committed, or meaningful.
What matters is whether the people involved understand their agreements, respect each other’s boundaries, and can freely decide whether the arrangement works for them.
Also you don’t have to pretend you like a model if you are not comfortable with you can work your unsecurities even jelousy . But this type of relationships needs a lot of communication , honesty and taking care of others . So don’t force yourself for being in a place you won’t like to be on the future .
Sorry everyone, after some orks came up to my place, I was so busy being submissive, I mean, following their orders, I completely forgot we had to post my Orktastic experience.
Disclaimer: This was sort of a collab, but I’m being fully honest. The design wasn’t really a toy for my taste, but it surprised me a lot. I expected a hard, even painful toy, and I struck gold.
Delivery
I must say it had been one of the sneakiest deliveries I received. I had to go like 3 times to the package center to ask them to give me 2 products from C.Labs (Climax Labs), fantasy dicks, so yeah, it was secret because I don’t think they will see me as a normal person again.
The unboxing was done by a friend of mine who didn’t know a lot about fantasy toys. So imagine a friend who is afraid of handling dicks being the one who opened the package and found perfectly closed bags (with everything except realistic dildos), followed by a keychain with a mini dildo. And also a cloth bag, very pretty for the toys.
For doing this risky task, we used the Roman position of the turtle so no one could see inside. We did it in front of a supermarket, so imagine the task of publicly unboxing fantasy dildos in front of a shop where even your high school teacher could see you.
But inside the bags there was no dick, only a mysterious ork / witch finger pointing at you. And a bunch of cute skulls blinking an eye without knowing they would see what no other non-mortal was prepared to see.
Your butthole.
Dirty as a nail
Let’s talk about one of the things that your common sense is always sure about. If you are usually the test dummy of your partner, friend, or whatever type of relationship you have with a random NPC you found on a side quest, you should know that long nails are the opposite of a pleasant experience.
Also, a toy whose idea is meant to be a dirty finger of a witch / Ork doesn’t have so much sex appeal. However, let me say that the nail was the softer part of the toy. Despite its look, it can be the difference between a hands-free experience, pushing buttons without fingers.
Tastier than a pie
Pie, pie, what rhymes with pie? Gotcha. Oh my, oh my, yeah, let’s be nasty. We will talk just a little about the experience of inside out 😜. We know is a very weird wordplay it’s not funny but we have to keep going with this review.
As the expert student of geographical relief and business whore I could call myself, after a dirty and sweaty job, I got busy. We could completely say that the relief of the toy plus the easy introduction was incroyable. Not a pleasant experience, just different.
I completely understand that this product has a lot of presence. Even with its scary look and not being very cute, it isn’t a painful toy, and neither is it hard. It was flexible enough to let you handle and guide the toy without moving it, and hard enough to keep its pose.
Did I say the nail was the best part? Pls trust me. That pointy monster can give you more than just a scary look. If we focus on the design, it is iconic. Many toys could be masterpieces of art, but my friends would remember the finger above all the others.
I’m not going to tell you the details, but sitting fully on this toy and riding that finger made me see more stars than I could count.
Ordinary
Nothing more to say. It is a very simple toy with a suction cup and a weird finger. Easy to clean, odorless, and the suction cup actually has a very useful purpose.
It sucks, in the real meaning of the word. It sucks perfectly.
I tested it in the bathtub, on wood, and on pretty much every type of floor. It sticks perfectly to tiles, and once it is attached, it is actually difficult to make it come off. The suction cup hasn’t failed at any point during my tests.
The only situation where I noticed some movement was when the floor was wet and I put my weight on it. On a dry floor, it doesn’t move at all. It also works on surfaces with relief or texture, which surprised me quite a lot.
As for the size, I would say it is medium. It is a good middle point between the bigger toys from brands outside this niche and the small-to-medium size you can find in brands that already make enormous toys. I would consider it quite thick, but the shape of the finger helps it find its way and makes it easier to press the G-spot.
The shape is also one of the most interesting things about it. It has a lot of relief, and practically every part feels different because of how irregular the shape is. Despite that, it is easy to grab from the base and control.
And honestly, the best part is still the sensation it leaves you with.
Conclusion
I would really love to make this review longer; however, fortunately, the toy does completely do its job. The only plot twist you can have is that the feeling and the relief of the toy are more different than someone would expect.
This was our first review from Climax Labs, and they surprised me. They are from Spain, which isn’t known for having this type of niche. However, the designs were so good.
If I have to rate this toy, my score would be 9/10. I really don’t know what it would need to be a 10; however, I want to be fully objective.
It was a really great experience and is a middle point between my other, bigger toys, so it helps with progressing through sizes.
I would like a larger toy for training depth, but this is a great option. Not only because of its designs, but also because it isn’t painful.
With this, I’m not saying other toys are painful. My only recommendation would be that if you are used to bigger sizes, you might have issues with the length.
Use your hand as a big and powerful f**k machine. You would love to milk this cow.
I’m really hoping to have more time alone for a second round.
Thanks for all the love we got from the previous post. This time, we’re going deeper into the grim darkness of the 41st millennium to talk about some of the Xenos races that don’t get nearly as much attention as they deserve.
Orks
Well, these ones are dumber than a rock, and they’re followed by a superior power granted by the writer. Let’s talk about the ones who prefer shouting WAAAGH! instead of writing five essays about a casus belli. They have more in common with goats smashing their heads against each other than with any other living being. The descendants of a superior race from the past somehow survived long enough to become progressively dumber. Maybe they discovered brainrot. Maybe getting dumber every generation is actually our future too.
They’re lovers of war, violence, and basically anything that can be solved by hitting it harder. And after you finish reading this, you’ll understand why. First of all, we have one of the most famous aspects of Ork technology: the power of imagination. It’s the kind of imagination we all thought we had when we were kids, thinking technology worked because of magic, colours, or tiny living creatures inside the machinery. For the Orks, that idea becomes something much more complicated because of the Waaagh! psychic field.
If many Orks share the same belief about a concept or object, that belief can have real effects. The classic example is red vehicles: if Orks believe red makes things go faster, then red vehicles actually tend to be faster. So, obviously, when you find a car, the first logical step is to paint it red because red gives you a +5 to speed in your skill tree. You don’t have an engine? Don’t worry. Just write BRRRRUM BRUM on a rock, throw away the engine, replace it with the rock, and you’ve got the best engine anyone could possibly imagine. This is completely overpowered, but Warhammer isn’t exactly known for having regularly balanced creatures.
Because when you look at the Orks, the first question should be: How the hell did a race with the collective brainpower of a wet sock survive extinction? The answer is surprisingly simple: they trade their teeth for weapons. But that’s only the beginning. Orks aren’t normal animals; they’re basically a mixture of fungus and animal, and their entire biology is designed around surviving, spreading and making more Orks.
Then we have Squigs, basically the biological equivalent of having a toolbox that someone accidentally turned into an ecosystem. They’re food, pets, mounts, weapons and transportation. They can basically fill whatever role the Orks need. You want something that works like a horse? Squig. Something like an elephant for going through the Alps? Call Hannibal Barca—but yeah, Squigs can do an elephant’s job too. Something to eat? Squig. Something to bite your enemy’s face off? Also Squig. They’re basically the Ork answer to every technological problem: «Why invent a machine when we can find a sufficiently angry animal?».
Squigs
And if that’s not enough, we need to talk about reproduction. Orks are, biologically speaking, much closer to fungi than humans are. They reproduce through spores, and when an Ork dies, its body contributes to the environment by releasing more spores. So killing an Ork doesn’t necessarily solve the problem. You kill them, they reproduce. You don’t want to fight them? They don’t care. You destroy their settlement? There will be another one. You wipe out the army? Congratulations, you’ve fertilised the battlefield.
Their biology also gives them one of their most underrated advantages: knowledge is basically built into them. Orks don’t need to discover everything from scratch. Their species carries instinctive knowledge that allows specialised Orks to become Mekboyz, Painboyz, Weirdboyz and all sorts of other wonderfully stupid professions. They might not understand science in the way humans do, but they don’t necessarily need to. They just know that certain things work.
And that’s why their technology is so weird. The lack of conventional scientific knowledge should make their technology useless. Instead, you get Orks putting together two rocks, a stick, some scrap metal and what appears to be chewing gum and somehow producing a weapon that can kill you. Their collective imagination and psychic power can reinforce their technology, their beliefs and even aspects of reality. Of course, this is where the writers have to put some limits on the concept, because otherwise an Ork could look at a rock and say «Dis is a black hole gun» and suddenly the Imperium has a very serious problem.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/tohamina
So the Orks are simultaneously one of the stupidest and most dangerous races in the entire setting. They don’t need to be efficient, rational or even understand why their technology works. They just need enough Orks to believe it works, enough Mekboyz to smash some things together, enough Squigs to solve whatever biological problem appears, and enough spores to make sure that killing them never really gets rid of them.
Orks don’t survive despite being idiots. They survive because their entire biology, culture and psychic nature are built around making sure that being an idiot doesn’t stop them from conquering the galaxy.
Sslyth
Disclaimer we will do a lot of snake jokes(spoiler I didn’t do any joke of snakes) because you get «ssssss» sound is funny and that type of jokes you laugh when your father/Mother or both left you because they prefered having a york shire than a Warhammer 40 K fan .
https://warhammer40k.fandom.com/es/wiki/Ssliz
Okay you are a Drukhari (Aeldari Faction) searching mercenaries for hiring them as bodyguards for longering your life span breeding slaanesh with blood and fear tears from your enemies , you enjoy so much those faces that being feared is kind of a kink to choose rather than love and admiration . And after years searching you found the most badass entity , a lizard with snake body and 2 pairs of arms for having 4 guns . And the complete stereotype of what a snake should be as a personality . You fall in love with them(you don’t but there won’t be many people with your level of sickness) so you have to choose if you hire them with some risks or letting it go . You can’t fix them (but you think you can ).
The dreamed bodyguards , treacherous , lethal and stronger enough to breaking a human with their hands . The complete enemies to lover any would want . Usually seen with weapons from others species and I could completely understand why . After being an Ancient race that because of addictions you would destroy your planet , I don’t think you couldn’t apply for a job that wasn’t mercenaries . The perfect representation of a Rogue , treacherous , saddic , lethal , and capable of move in all terrains . Stronger arms for climbing , a locomotive tail that help them going trough any terrain , and superior senses for searching their preys .
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/kuritafsheen77
The boyfriend you would hide from your parents for being the bad influence , «but he is too nice » , yeah sure , get out of there they will kill instead of cheating you . However I will only do my dirty job , showing a sample of that bad boy ,the dick pick you wanted but you don’t want to admit that you were interested on this snakes for their 2 dicks instead of the biological research you say to other you do .
I don’t trust that suspicious plot but anyways «🎶I’m just a Man , who would trade the world for see my son and wife 🎶» . Only don’t justify your weird taste of double penetration as a Final degree project .
Khorne / Blood God
Let’s be clear: The only way we could talk about «sexuality(Which is a big crossing line )» when referring to this monster won’t be nice. I don’t think Khorne could really be used as a sexuality term anyway; violence would be a much better description. But let’s be real: as a villain, this god is sick as fuck.
Khorne is one of the four main Chaos Gods and the number one haters of Slaanesh fan club. Of course, all four Chaos Gods hate each other, but some of them seem to have a particularly strong dislike for certain rivals.
https://warhammer40k.fandom.com/es/wiki/Khorne
Khorne is the embodiment of bloodshed, war, rage and violence, coming from some of the darkest parts of the human mind: hatred, vengeance, anger and the desire to destroy. If we had to compare him with something from Greek mythology, Ares would probably be the closest starting point. Ares is the god of war and its brutality, while Khorne takes that concept and pushes it into an almost absurd extreme. He doesn’t represent the strategy of war or the political reasons behind it. He represents the blood, the rage and the violence once the fighting has already begun.
Khorne can theoretically survive even during periods of peace because violence never completely disappears. There is always someone somewhere fighting, hating or seeking revenge, and Khorne’s entire existence is connected to those emotions. In a galaxy as ridiculously large as the Warhammer 40,000 universe, there will always be another battlefield. And if there isn’t one, well, someone will probably create one.
He absolutely hates avoiding conflict, especially when it comes to direct confrontation. His followers are drawn to melee combat, and Khorne’s philosophy is strongly associated with strength, brutality and facing your opponent rather than hiding from them. He isn’t exactly the god you would choose if your favourite combat strategy was «run away and come back tomorrow.»
Now, here’s where we move from established lore into my own interpretation. Khorne’s obsession with melee combat makes me think about the psychological difference between killing someone with a ranged weapon and killing someone with a sword.
The sword is one of the most famous weapons in human history, and it has become much more than a tool for killing. It’s the weapon of heroes, villains, kings, soldiers and executioners. But there is something particularly brutal about having to use one against another person. A soldier using a spear, a bow or later a firearm can create some physical and psychological distance between themselves and the person they’re killing. A sword doesn’t give you quite as much of that distance. You have to get close. You see the face of your enemy, you see their final moments, you feel the impact of every strike and, when the fight is over, the blood is covering your body.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/wirestock
That doesn’t mean that using a sword is objectively more traumatic than using a firearm, because that’s not something I can simply establish as a fact. I’m talking about the symbolism and psychological image surrounding the weapon. The sword forces the concept of the warrior and the victim into the same physical space. And if we interpret Khorne through that lens, I can understand why melee combat fits him so well. The blood, the physical struggle and the direct confrontation are basically everything his philosophy represents. The blood on your hands and the face of your enemy during their final breath would probably be Viagra for this god.
But violence isn’t always about killing. We often represent war with the same images: blood, corpses, dismemberment and warriors surrounded by dead bodies. Human history, however, has shown that there are many other ways of breaking an enemy. Sometimes the objective isn’t to kill them but to humiliate them, terrify them, destroy their morale or make them feel completely powerless. And this is where the sexual side of my interpretation of Khorne becomes particularly dark.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/liuzishan
Throughout history, sexual violence has been used during conflicts as a way of humiliating, dominating and psychologically destroying enemies and civilian populations. In some historical societies, including certain contexts of the ancient world, sexual violence against defeated enemies could be tolerated or treated very differently from how we understand it today.
This is also where we have to be careful with the historical comparison. The attitudes of ancient societies towards sexual behaviour were not the same as our modern concepts of sexual orientation, consent or sexuality. In some historical contexts, sexual violence against a defeated enemy could be treated as an act of domination and humiliation rather than understood through the modern concept of sexual assault. That doesn’t mean rape was seen with good eyes, because it wasn’t. The important part is that this was a red flag that some people could take advantage of: violence could be used to justify something that, outside that context, would have been considered unacceptable.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/magnific
You weren’t necessarily «having sex» with another man in the way we understand sex today. Sex requires consent to be considered sex in the consensual sense. What was happening was often framed as humiliating another man, taking away his masculinity and putting him into the position of the defeated or submissive person. And, in some societies, that could be socially easier to justify than simply loving another man. Why? Because one could be presented as violence, domination and victory, while the other challenged the expected roles of masculinity and sexuality. «VIOLENCE!» and suddenly someone has a justification for doing something horrible.
Of course, ancient societies—and even societies that existed much more recently—were far too diverse for me to claim that this was the universal attitude everywhere. Different cultures had completely different ideas about masculinity, sexuality, power and consent. The sexual element isn’t really about sex. It’s about using sexuality as another weapon of violence and humiliation.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/magnific
I’m not saying Khorne likes this. I’m Hansel, throwing the breadcrumbs on the floor. Khorne is as old as hatred, violence and conflict themselves, and let’s say that we’re talking about historical facts soooo… you can connect the dots.
I’m just looking at what humans have done throughout history and then looking at what Khorne represents. Violence, humiliation, domination, revenge, breaking the enemy and destroying their morale. Sexual violence has unfortunately been part of that history too.
And honestly, that’s considerably more disturbing.
Sorry for the quick switch-up in theme, but I found a toy whose name is Pride, soooo… you know what comes next. Hehehe… dick pic.
So after a long explanation about war we have to do our job TaLk AbOUt sEx TOys 🤪
We could summarize all of this with 2/7 of the capital sins, with Pride as the goal and Wrath as the vehicle. Wrath is the weapon that dries the blood of those who dare to defy a warrior’s pride. . This part was a very crossing line at least for me .
Rak’Gol
Here we are. After a very long essay, we’re finally going to talk about some simpler creatures and concepts that are basically designed to make you go “what the fuck am I looking at?” Khorne was mentally exhausting, so let’s give our brains a break and talk about something that requires considerably less philosophy: Rak’Gol.
https://warhammer40k.fandom.com/es/wiki/Rak%27Gol
Who are the Rak’Gol? Why are we talking about them? Well… I don’t know. They’re cool enough to deserve a mention in this post. Do they have a lot of lore to milk? Mmmm… pretty sure they don’t. But they are COOL, and honestly, sometimes that’s enough.
The Rak’Gol are one of those mysterious xenos species that feel more like a legend than something you should actually encounter. We know surprisingly little about their origins, and most of what we know comes from scattered accounts and encounters with them. Their territory is basically the Warhammer 40,000 equivalent of a Bermuda Triangle, except instead of losing your boat, you might lose your entire fucking crew. Getting through their territory is dangerous enough that encountering the Rak’Gol can feel less like meeting another civilisation and more from creatures from THE MIST the horror story written by Stephen King.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/wirestock
And what happens when you actually encounter them?
Well, the same of a usual monday , brutality , using the S.O.S call for having a feast with the living bodies . The usual breakfast.
The Rak’Gol are known for their extreme cruelty and the massacres they leave behind . They’re heavily modified, with parts of their bodies replaced or enhanced with technological weapons and machinery . Their appearance is already disturbing enough without knowing what they are capable of, and the fact that we know so little about them makes everything considerably worse.
Where did they come from? Nobody really knows. And if someone actually survives an encounter with them, good luck getting a coherent story out of them. That’s basically how legends work: “I saw something horrible out there.” Then the witness disappears, dies, or spends the rest of their life wondering why they ever went there in the first place. Typical intergalactical folklore culture .
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/rawpixel-com
Their relationship with technology is especially disturbing. They aren’t just creatures that happen to use advanced equipment; their technology can become part of their bodies. Imagine a Mechanicus adept, except instead of the religious devotion, replace it with something that looks like it escaped from a cosmic horror story. They don’t give you the comforting impression of “we have technology.” They give you the impression of “technology has happened to us.”
And then there is their radiation problem.
Or rather, their radiation advantage(Chernobyle 2.0).
Their technology and spacecraft are associated with extremely dangerous levels of radiation, partly because their propulsion systems are notoriously hazardous. But for the Rak’Gol, radiation isn’t simply an unfortunate side effect. They can apparently use it to their advantage, with their biology taking advantage of radiation and mutations rather than treating them purely as a problem. Because apparently normal evolution wasn’t fucked up enough, so they decided to add radioactive space travel to the process.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/freestockcenter
Some depictions describe them with more reptilian features, while others give them a strange mixture of reptilian and insect-like characteristics. Let’s be real I don’t think no one after having a traumatic experience would remember how they were after your minds force an amnesia to survive that experience .
Their bodies are heavily adapted and modified, and the result is something that looks less like a conventional alien species and more like someone kept throwing biological mutations and cybernetics at the same creature until nobody knew when to stop.
They also have that “I amputated my sexual organs at the age of eight because we won’t need them” kind of vibe. And honestly, I can understand the logic. I don’t think radiation would exactly be great for fertility, and asexual reproduction through cloning would probably be more practical. Although I don’t think reproduction would be a very successful activity if you had fucking saws instead of hands.
And many other human concepts probably wouldn’t mean much to them either. They simply don’t need to discuss ethics, morality or social conventions if none of those things are relevant to their way of life.
And honestly, that’s probably the best way to understand the Rak’Gol.
Thank you so much for taking your time to read this second post. This time we went through four very different sides of the Warhammer 40K . Some of them are a crossing line and other are very cool .
We don’t know yet if this post turned out better than the previous one, but we wanted to explore some unusual and darker concepts from the setting while keeping the same mix of lore, humour, curiosity and, of course, a few questionable jokes along the way.
A huge thanks to the Warhammer 40,000 universe and its creators for giving us such an absurdly deep setting to explore, and to Climax Labs, Xenocat and Darque Path for their amazing toy designs and artwork, which helped us represent some of these Xenos and characters.
Thank you for reading , I hope you like it !!!! See you soon !!!!
Warhammer 40,000 is one of the largest sci-fi universes ever created.
At first glance, it looks like just another sci-fi franchise.
In reality, it’s what happens when medieval fanaticism discovers spaceships.
Tyranids
The plague from another galaxy. A species more resilient than cockroaches and the greatest nightmares in 40K .
The evolution weaponized. They don’t need technology, guns, or religion. They are living bioengineering at its finest: every creature, every weapon, every spaceship is a living organism designed for a single purpose—to consume.
Their Genestealers infiltrate civilizations long before the invasion begins (did I said that they are very good kissers 😜), while the Hive Fleets recycle the biomass of everything they devour. Flesh, plants, animals… everything is broken down, absorbed, and turned into brand-new biological horrors.
https://warhammer40k.fandom.com/wiki/Genestealer
Imagine a bloodthirsty cockroach the size of a tank, carrying weapons made from its own flesh, while its spaceship is also alive. Welcome to the Tyranids.
If The Last of Us made you uncomfortable 🍄🟫🍄🍄🟫, the Tyranids take that idea several steps further. Wherever they arrive, they release spores that consume ecosystems, dissolve organic matter, and transform entire planets into feeding grounds. Once nothing remains, every drop of biomass is collected and shipped back to the Hive Fleet. Think of it as the most horrifying Uber Eats delivery service imaginable.
And here’s another fun fact: every Tyranid is connected to a gigantic Hive Mind through immensely powerful psychic creatures, almost like organic Wi-Fi towers. If the Hive Mind decides that tomorrow its army needs wings, acid, sharper claws, or an entirely new organism… evolution simply gets to work.
Life finds a way.
The Tyranids make sure nothing else does.
That should be enough lore for tomorrow.
Now it’s time for the part you’ve all been waiting for… the memes!
Yeah, I lied. There aren’t any memes only kinks very weird kinks .
Instead, let’s answer a far more important question: if the Tyranids made sex toys(Curious way of saying interstellar hentai with Xenos) instead of bio-weapons… what would they look like?
That’s why I picked this design from Xenocat. Let’s see just how close it gets.
Tyranids don’t need to be beautiful, intimidating, or even particularly smart. They just need to be functional enough for evolution to decide they’re worth keeping.
I honestly don’t want to imagine what evolutionary purpose this particular appendage would serve in a Tyranid organism. Knowing this faction, it’d probably end up working like a parasitic wasp… or some other biological nightmare I’d rather never experience in my lifetime.
Slaanesh
One of the four Chaos Gods, Slaanesh is the embodiment of excess. Born from the decadence of the Aeldari(Futurist Elfs), an ancient civilization so advanced that, after conquering almost every challenge, they began searching for new sensations. Pleasure became obsession, and obsession eventually embraced pain, luxury, and every possible excess.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/magnific
Without realizing it, the Aeldari gave birth to a god whose arrival doomed their own empire. Slaanesh represents the loss of restraint: pleasure without limits, perfection taken too far, beauty twisted into obsession, and desire that eventually consumes the one who seeks it.
The tentacles can be seen as a metaphor for Slaanesh’s influence: once they wrap around you, escaping becomes almost impossible. They bind not only the body but also the mind, slowly imprisoning your own desires until they no longer feel like your own.
The spikes can represent the price of indulgence. The deeper you fall into temptation, the harder it becomes to pull away without getting hurt. Pleasure and pain become inseparable, just as Slaanesh intended.
Far worse than eating the Lotus in Greek mythology.
T’Au
The speedrunners of a successful civilization. Compared to the rest of the galaxy, they’re practically the hippies of Warhammer 40,000. While everyone else is busy committing genocide, summoning daemons, or trying to eat the universe, the T’au genuinely believe different species can cooperate under a single ideal.
…There’s just one tiny catch.
The Greater Good always comes before the individual. Self-care, personal ambition, or following your own dreams only matter if they benefit society as a whole. Every caste has its purpose: Fire fights, Earth builds, Air explores, and Water negotiates. Your life is planned from the moment you’re born.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/brgfx
Their doctrine is called T’au’va… not Tao Te Ching. Easy mistake.
Interracial porn? Not exactly. If you’re born into a caste, you’re expected to reproduce within that caste to preserve the social order. Turns out the hippies have some surprisingly strict rules.
Ironically, joining the T’au Empire is often easier than being born into it.
Oh… and they have giant mechs (you don’t need context there are mechs)!!!!
Not simply because it’s a sex toy (although that certainly helps), but because its design immediately gives off T’au vibes. It’s not quite beast, not quite human. Sleek, elegant, and surprisingly fragile-looking—just like the T’au themselves.
Unlike most of the designs we’ve looked at so far, this one doesn’t rely on monstrous features, excessive spikes, or organic horror. Everything feels deliberate, clean, and engineered.
That perfectly matches the T’au philosophy. They don’t solve problems with claws or brute force. They’d much rather stay a few hundred meters away, let their railguns, pulse rifles, and battlesuits do the talking, and call it a victory for the Greater Good.
Kroots
One of the T’au Empire’s closest allies, and arguably the best battle partners you could ask for. Imagine someone mixed a lizard, a kobold, and an eagle… then somehow created the platypus of the xenos.
Image from WH40K community
Unlike most species in Warhammer 40,000, the Kroot weren’t conquered. They joined the T’au willingly and still preserve their own culture, traditions, and way of life. Those weird biological horrors we talked about earlier? The Kroot would probably look at them and think:
«Free protein.»
At first glance, they’re primitive hunters carrying blades, rifles, and a worrying enthusiasm for close combat. Standing next to T’au soldiers equipped with plasma weapons and towering battlesuits, they don’t exactly look impressive.
Until you learn about their little genetic superpower.
Kroot don’t eat their enemies just because they’re hungry. They absorb useful genetic traits from whatever they consume. Stronger muscles. Better eyesight. Sharper senses. Faster reflexes.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/sergeycauselove
Imagine crash-landing on an unknown planet where every creature is trying to kill you… and instead of studying the local wildlife, your first instinct is to cook it and see if you level up afterward.
They are basically doing a Spore (the videogame) speedrun. Their leaders—called Shapers—act like the player, deciding exactly what the tribe should eat to unlock the next evolutionary upgrade.
Unlike the T’au, the Kroot don’t care about elegance, symmetry, or futuristic engineering. Everything about them is built around one simple principle:
If it works, keep it.
If eating it makes you stronger… even better.
So, let’s see how close our next design gets to this lore. Keeping in mind everything we just mentioned, it’s hard to say exactly how much their rapid evolution could change a Kroot’s anatomy. Sure, they might look like a genetic mashup between a vulture, a hornbill, and a velociraptor on the outside… but let’s be honest. If your entire species operates like a biological blender, constantly absorbing the DNA of alien monsters, apex predators, and whatever else crosses your plate, your… lower anatomy is going to get pretty wild.
To demonstrate this, we’re bringing in a very special guest: Cassiusfrom Na’Quora, an avian fellow who completely volunteered for this modeling session.
As you can see, this is the absolute closest match I could find for this faction!
Hopefully, you all enjoyed this massive deep dive. The main goal here was to blend the wild lore of these factions with the showcases, rather than just dropping standard toy reviews. Diving into the Warhammer 40K universe has been an absolute trip, leaving me with way more knowledge than could ever fit onto a single blog post.
Including the Orks was definitely on the table, but considering they reproduce by violently releasing spores after dying… yeah, finding a toy to represent that would have made things way too complicated.
However, if you want a Part 2, please show this post the love it deserves and share it with anyone crazy enough to read it. Love you all!!!! .
Hello everyone, we are back after a brutal week full of exams! Today, we are showcasing a new piece of «hardware» that Funzze has entrusted us to review. Looking at it, it feels less like a standard toy and more like a legendary item drop from an RPG or a sleek cyberpunk implant.
As the pro tester that I am (just kidding), I’m here to share the things I absolutely love about this item, along with my darkest fears and a slightly traumatic experience.
First Print
The moment I got the package in my hands, I noticed it was incredibly heavy. This isn’t a bad thing—I’m very strong. Stronger than a gorilla, actually.
This rare specimen is forged from solid stainless steel, giving it a premium, almost indestructible feel. The length is quite substantial, making it great for depth training, but wielding it comes with a few requirements.
Since metal is highly temperature-responsive, you can easily play with thermal sensations.
You don’t have to spend a lot of time warming it up; just running it under warm water in the sink for about a minute does the trick. Once inside, it adapts to your body heat almost instantly, so you completely avoid that shocking, annoying cold feeling.
Optimized shapes
When testing, I usually switch between different toys, but I really love the dual-wielding nature of this one. Because of its ergonomic C-shape design with two differently sized balls at the ends, you can effortlessly switch between the smaller and the bigger sphere depending on your level.
Playing with it requires very little effort. The C-shape acts as a perfect lever—while one end hits your joy spot internally with the exact right pressure, the external sphere acts as a heavy counterweight.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/brgfx
«Waterproof» is practically written in its name. Because it’s 100% non-porous stainless steel, the shower can absolutely be part of the fun. And here is the best part: unlike regular toys, stainless steel is immune to material degradation. You can use any lube you want, despite how excited you are. Grab a thick Silicone-Based lube without fear; this toy is fully silicone-proof, incredibly easy to clean, and perfect for a hot bath.
The Drama and The Fear (A Warning)⚠️
But as I always say: you have to be careful. Using a heavy metal toy without a traditional flared base could send you straight to the doctor’s office (and not just to get a note to skip classes).
My personal «traumatic» experience came from not keeping a close enough eye on «the friend I had inside of me.»
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/jannoon028
Because solid steel gets incredibly slippery when covered in lube, gravity did its job. It surpassed the sigmoid barrier. At first, it seemed like a great discovery, but quickly, the lack of a flat base turned the situation into an emergency. I was one step away from yelling, «Stepbro, I’m stuck!».
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/stefamerpik
Thankfully, with a lot of patience and some strategic pushing of my inner organs, I managed to guide this heavy boy back out and save myself from disaster.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/pvproductions
After that terrifying moment, I considered giving this toy a little more use. Honestly, if the spherical head had an oval shape instead, both insertion and removal would be much smoother. That simple design change would definitely give some peace of mind to anyone who is scared of making a ‘one-way trip’ after hearing about my episode.
Final Conclusion
My overall experience with this toy was incredibly good, even after surviving that scary episode. The texture of the steel is flawlessly smooth, the heavy weight makes it feel like a premium item, and the awesome storage bag it came with is a fantastic touch.
It is really a great piece of gear, but those safety issues could send more than expected to the hospital.
British ambulance parked in a parking lot
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/rawpixel-com
Also, huge bonus points for the «stealth mode» delivery. The shipping is not only 100% «sneaky» you don’t have to worry about curious neighbourghs or paying the delivery because it is free.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/freepik
This is a massive win, because a lot of seemingly «cheaper» toys hit you with surprise shipping fees at checkout that end up ruining your budget .
Final Score: 7.9 / 10 ⭐
Furthermore, it would be a massive improvement if the toy featured a textured grip and a proper safety support. When you combine heavy steel with silicone lube, it becomes incredibly slippery, so having a secure way to hold it would definitely prevent any unwanted ‘critical failures’ during sessions. It’s a great concept, but those two design flaws prevent it from being a perfect 10/10 item.
As always thanks to Funzze for this giant chance of testing such products , thank you for reading . I hope we can continue bringing fresh content for everyone . Love you all!!!!! .
If you thought that training for width was going to help you take something longer… I hope you can forgive me for bursting your bubble.
I learned the hard way, but after wrestling with beasts like the Seahorse and Beowulf twice a week, I am officially qualified to guide you through this naughty endeavor.
Love and meet your body
We’ve all heard those cliché quotes: «Love your body,» «It’s perfect the way it is.» Sorry to break it to the people who think that applies universally, but you actually have to get to know your body. Take it out for a coffee, go on a date, listen to it, and learn exactly how it works.
close up view of dark fresh roasted coffee beans on coffee beans background
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/stockking
We all know the basic anatomy of the backdoor. But if you want to play in the big leagues, you need to understand that your inner Anubis can’t handle all that power alone.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/freepik
Let’s do some basic math. You want to take, say, 30 cm of length, but you only have about 20 cm of space available between the rectum and the planet Uranus (don’t kill me for the pun). As you can see, the math ain’t mathing.
Blackboard inscribed with scientific formulas and calculations in physics, mathematics and electrical circuits. Science and education background.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/jcomp
You don’t have enough runway for those sizes. You are going to need help from your new best friend: the «sigma male» of your anatomy (Thomas shelby), the sigmoid colon. And as many of you know, this guy wasn’t exactly designed for these kinds of activities
Sigmoideus
This name might remind some of us of a supervillain name. Well, this buddy is in charge of closing the gates of the feces. He isn’t made for taking a U.L.O. (Unidentified Large Object), so you have to treat him as the queen he really is, with touch and being very careful.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/freepik
You can have some personal harm that might accompany you all your life, so don’t push yourself. Try easy, starting with easy tasks and adding some difficulty to him (Bloodbath Extreme Demon).
Pro-tip, this is a pro-tip I hope you never have to do: if you achieved enough length and width you could push with your fingers this tube, a move you are lucky enough to apply before going to emergencies.
Well, if the toy with a mushroom head got inside and doesn’t want to come out, you have to be prepared for two concepts: if you rush you are dead ‘cause of the pain, and the idea of this movement is pushing the sigmoid walls enough with your fingers for letting the stuck object go out.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/drazenzigic
If you can’t do it, pls go to emergencies. They won’t leave you with that inside you.
Training this little buddy needs thin toys, not bigger. Remember this is part of your intestines, so if you dig in the mine you will get dirty even if you clean it .
The Final Lap
If you really want to improve, don’t search the sigmoid, really don’t do it, just flow with it. Trying to train length without the proper skills will send you to the hospital. An apple a day won’t keep your doctor away! .
As always, clean your hands before touching it, don’t try to scratch it or push more. It’s better quitting too early than having an injury that won’t let you do this trick again.
Don’t clean the sigmoid with water unless you want to be a brown fountain all day. Despite all of this, don’t put all the weight of your body over a toy that you can’t take; this will lead you into a perforated bowel.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/katemangostar
This is very dangerous, even extreme, if you don’t do it with proper material, skills, and precautions. I’m tired of saying the same things, but with great powers comes great responsibility, and using a 1 kg stick is a lot of power.
Conclusion
This isn’t a joke activity, nevertheless it isn’t an easy task, only the best soldiers will survive this. We are talking specifically about the Spartans, who, for those who don’t know, liked a bit too much the mechanic of fighting with swords as «good friends».
I know this is roman because of the gladius.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/fxquadro
Many doctors will say don’t do it, and they are completely right. It is a creepy way of destroying your body; it would be a 4!/10 on the cigarette scale, so very radical shit you know , Jack butt 2 and those creepy series. .
If you are really reading this you are very weird, not like me, because I’m not the type of person that creates a web talking about those gay things you know. Weirdos! I hope you loved all this speech, I love you, your families, your parents, your pets, your booty. See you soon, don’t forget to share if you love this content 🙂
We previously covered this in a 2-in-1 review, but after spending more time and working properly with it, my perspective has completely changed for the better. Here is why.
The Experience: From Training to Pleasure
I can honestly say this toy is like a good wine—an acquired taste that gets better over time. In the beginning, it was a struggle; it felt more like a hardcore training session than an actually pleasant experience.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/wirestock
Now, my experience is entirely different. I no longer need an intense, «hardcore» warm-up. My body has adjusted to its circumference, leaving me with that nice, exhausting feeling of a good stretch. You can really feel the progress, even with casual training over the last 6 months (using it maybe four times one month, zero the next, etc.).
I also have to mention that switching to X-Lube was a massive game-changer—it helped way more than any previous lubes I’ve tried.
The Double-Edged Sword: Flexibility
I wouldn’t call these «red flags,» but the exact feature that makes me love this toy is the same one that drains my patience during failed attempts.
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/jemastock
The flexibility of the Seahorse is completely necessary when training for width—without it, the tension would be unbearable (it’s not exactly painful, just a serious stretching of your limits).
https://www.magnific.com/es/autor/freepik
However, because of this flexibility, it lacks natural stability. You have to hit a very specific angle to make it work. The same bending that saves you from a perforation is what you end up fighting against to keep it straight. Because of this, I’m seriously considering buying the Hankey’s suction cup or their riding saddle just to keep it grounded.
General Thoughts & Maintenance
As I mentioned in older posts about the Seahorse, its ridges are great to help you measure your progress. It might get exasperating at times, but you must remember you are using a plus-size toy compared to normal silicone toys; it requires patience.
On the maintenance side, it’s flawless. It cleans incredibly easily, there are absolutely no weird odors, the material is extremely durable (no fear of breaking the toy), and I’ve had zero safety or injury concerns. Even after six months of use, the silicone hasn’t degraded at all—the toy feels just like the day I received it. I know some users like to throw their silicone toys in the dishwasher, but honestly, washing it by hand with some good hand soap is more than enough to keep it pristine and completely get rid of any odors.
8.5/10 Good product but not perfect
If I had rated this toy on day one, the score would have been much lower out of pure frustration. But at the 6-month mark, the Hankey’s Seahorse gets a solid 8.5/10.
Who is it for? Intermediate to advanced size trainers. If you are an absolute beginner, you can use it, but you will need a massive amount of patience (and premium lube like X-Lube) to get past the «hardcore training» phase.
The Bottom Line: It’s a high-quality, incredibly safe piece of silicone that does exactly what it promises for size progression. The only reason it doesn’t score higher is the lack of base stability—you’ll likely find yourself needing to buy a suction cup or saddle just to keep it from bending during the initial push. But once you master the angle, it’s a fantastic ride.
As I always say, we really hope you liked this post, but it’s even more important to us that you found it useful. Also, a big thanks to Hankey’s Toys for giving us a true sample of what «plus-size» really means. I just wanted to make a proper, objective review this time around—the last one was good, but it was much more about storytelling than technical feedback.
A couple of weeks ago, we received a «surprise» package from an emergent brand, Mythtoys. However, before starting this review, let’s settle a few things. They sent us the product for free. Does this mean this is a biased, sponsored review? Absolutely not. In fact, we are never going to recommend something we think is trash.
https://www.freepik.com/author/originalmockup
After that short disclaimer, I’m going to share some of the thoughts I had while enjoying this experience with my partner.
Unboxing
It was weird, but not in a bad way. Feeling like you were getting VIP treatment, like you were on a luxury cruise opening a $50k lobster. It had that typical mystique of presenting a gourmet dish in the movies.
https://www.freepik.com/author/freepik
Inside the box, you get a magnetic charger (I’m an official collector of these cables at this point, I have like four of them) and a cloth mini-bag.
I remember saying, «The bag is an awesome detail.» Because it’s made of cloth instead of cheap plastic, it actually felt premium.
Arc Experiences
This toy gave me a bit of a love-hate feeling. It’s a very simple, mainstream toy, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad product. It was fully charged when we received the package (+1 for Gryffindor!). These little details are lovely; we talked a couple of reviews ago about Funzze doing the exact same thing. They just know how excited someone can be after adopting one of these new partners (+1).
https://www.freepik.com/author/freepik
My partner didn’t talk too much during our «review session,» so I’d say that’s a great sign. He did mention that sometimes the suction was stronger than he’d like, but that’s not really something to complain about. You have 10 modes, so just go down a level. He was on level 3 or 4, dropped down to the previous mode, and had zero complaints after that.
In addition the curvy shape is a really good idea. On their shop, they claim it’s designed to improve hand grip, but we ALL know that having a curvy, long handle isn’t just for that. You could totally use it as an insertable object for the V. It isn’t huge, so if you can handle any of the other toys we’ve talked about on this site, you could definitely devour this one.
https://www.freepik.com/author/macrovector
We are going to have a detective moment, okay? The f***, I’m talking to myself. Well, let’s investigate the clues we have: Magnetic charger… +1 for Gryffindor… interesting… ummmm… magnetic charger… I don’t get why I’m doing this whole investigation bit instead of just saying it’s waterproof but not submarine-proof (Don’t fully submerge pending long periods). Did you get it? It was a good pun. Like the anime, One PUN Man. I’m the master of jokes. I’m the Joker.
https://www.freepik.com/author/catalyststuff
Okay, I apologize for the part of my brain that just went on vacation. Let’s continue without puns or jokes. As I said, it is waterproof. You can use it in the shower, which is a great option for having a better time alone.
https://www.freepik.com/author/user18526052
This isn’t a sneaky toy , my partner suggested that if the toy was less noisy would be better .
Final Conclusion
It’s a very good product overall, but maybe I’m a bit of a picky eater with these things. I absolutely hate what I call «floating silicone.» You know what I mean? When the silicone isn’t a solid, compact block wrapping the inner mechanism, but just a loose sleeve with an air gap underneath. I don’t like pressing somewhere on the toy and feeling my finger sink into a hollow, deep hole. I need these toys to feel as protected, compact, and solid as a block of ice.
https://www.freepik.com/author/freepik
On top of that, there is something else regarding the waterproof claim. It felt awesome for my partner, but I’m not entirely sure the metal and non-metal parts will stay glued together over time. The silicone is very high quality, and I want to believe the metal is too, but that joint makes me a bit skeptical.
If we had to give it a rating, it would be an 8 / 10 (with 1 being absolute trash and 10 being the ideal, perfect toy). From my point of view, it should definitely be cheaper if they want to compete with other brands. We loved the product, but honestly, I highly recommend grabbing it only when it goes on sale. At the end of the day, balancing accessibility, price, and quality is key. This brand offers really good quality, but they still have some room for improvement.
https://www.freepik.com/author/freepik
In addition huge thanks to Mythtoys for sending this product over. You asked me to be completely honest, and here is my honest take: it is a good product despite of the bad things but they need to think outside the box a little bit more.
They have some really cool designs (like the AirPods one!), but if you don’t reinvent the wheel, you’ll just blend in with all the other brands out there. That’s my review and my two cents.
We love making this post and review , also they treated us like absolut kings we can’t say anything more that we didn’t say before on this review .
Also, a quick note: while I was writing this post, the brand reached out to let me know that the specific unit they sent me was actually a bit more powerful than intended. I have to say, that shows they really care about their clients and listen to feedback.
We’ve all seen it. That iconic, hilarious, and slightly cringeworthy scene from Scary Movie where Doofy takes his «love» for his vacuum cleaner a bit too far. While the movie played it for laughs, it actually touched on a practice that has since exploded in the world of sexual wellness: Vacuum Play.
If you’ve ever been curious about why suction-based pleasure is such a game-changer, or if you’re looking to level up your solo sessions, you’re in the right place. Today, we’re breaking down the science, the sensations, and the safe way to explore this intense form of stimulation.
What Exactly is Vacuum Play?
In simple terms, vacuum play involves using negative pressure to stimulate the genitals. Unlike traditional masturbation, which relies on friction (the back-and-forth rubbing of hands or toys), vacuum play uses suction to «pull» on the tissue.
This creates an all-encompassing sensation that surrounds the nerves, making it a favorite for people of all genders looking for a «fuller» and more consistent experience.
6 Reasons Why Vacuum Play is More Intense Than «Gooning»
Many enthusiasts describe vacuum-based pleasure as more satisfying and «complete» than traditional manual stimulation or long-term gooning sessions. Here is why:
1. Consistent and Uniform Stimulation
Unlike a hand, which can vary in grip, speed, and angle, a vacuum device provides steady, even pressure. This constant engagement reaches both superficial and deeper nerve endings simultaneously, creating a sensation of «fullness» that is physically impossible to achieve manually.
2. The Unique «Hugging» Sensation
The defining feature of this practice is the suction effect. By creating negative pressure, the device gently pulls on the tissue, creating a persistent tug. Users often describe it as being «hugged from the inside out.» It activates internal nerve pathways that touch alone simply cannot reach.
https://www.freepik.com/author/gstudioimagen
3. Increased Blood Flow (Vascularization)
The vacuum effect draws blood to the surface of the skin. This leads to increased sensitivity and a temporary swelling of the tissues, making every micro-sensation feel magnified. In this state, your body becomes hyper-responsive to even the slightest change in pressure.
https://www.freepik.com/author/freepik
4. Precision Control and Intensity
Modern vacuum devices allow you to fine-tune the suction levels. You can start with a whisper-light tug and build up to an intense, thumping climax. This level of customization ensures that every session feels fresh and tailored to your current mood.
https://www.freepik.com/author/rawpixel-com
5. The Psychological Edge
Pleasure is as much mental as it is physical. Introducing a novel tool like a vacuum device breaks the routine and triggers the brain’s reward system. The novelty, paired with the intense physical feedback, keeps you «in the zone» and can lead to more powerful orgasms.
https://www.freepik.com/author/freepik
6. Anatomical Benefits
For those with a penis: It mimics a deep, continuous «throating» or penetration-like sensation, stimulating the glans and shaft in ways a hand cannot.
https://www.freepik.com/author/freepik
For those with a vulva: «Air-pulse» technology has revolutionized pleasure by stimulating the clitoris without direct, painful friction, allowing for multiple, rapid-fire orgasms.
⚠️ Safety First: Don’t Be a «Doofy»
We have to be real for a second: Never use a household vacuum cleaner. While the movie was funny, the real-life consequences of using a carpet cleaner on your body are no joke.
https://www.freepik.com/author/juicy-fish
CRITICAL SAFETY NOTE: Household vacuums have high-torque motors, jagged internal parts, and zero safety valves. Using one can cause severe hematomas (burst blood vessels), skin tearing, and long-term nerve damage. Plus, they are full of bacteria and dust—definitely not something you want near your most sensitive areas.
How to Practice Safely:
Use Dedicated Devices: Invest in high-quality, body-safe pumps or suction toys. They are designed with safety release valves and medical-grade materials.
Lube is Your Best Friend: Always use a water-based lubricant to create a proper seal and protect your skin from irritation.
The 15-Minute Rule: Avoid prolonged suction sessions. Start slow, and if you notice any pain or dark bruising, release the pressure immediately.
Conclusion: Is Vacuum Play Right for You?
If you are looking for a sensation that is consistent, intense, and different from anything you can do with your hands, Vacuum Play is a must-try. It’s a safe and exciting way to explore your body’s limits and discover new peaks of pleasure.
In our upcoming posts, we’ll be reviewing some of the top-rated suction devices on the market to help you find your perfect match.
Have you ever tried a suction-based toy? Are you curious about the difference between air-pulse tech and traditional pumps? Let us know in the comments below!
This week, we received a special gift from Funzze: a P-spot massager for review. I will provide a fully honest evaluation, including both green flags and red flags, while sharing my personal experience in detail.
Overview & How It Works 🤔
The main goal of this toy is prostate (P-spot) stimulation, which has far more potential than many realize.
Unlike many toys in this category that simply vibrate in place, the Funzze P-Spot Massagerfeatures a thrusting movement. Initially, this motion may feel unusual, but after getting used to it, it provides a comfortable and highly pleasurable experience.
The combination of thrusting and vibration stimulates both the P-spot and the perineum, resulting in a deeper, more intense sensation. This is a noticeable difference compared to other toys I’ve tried, which often only offer vibration or a static design.
Receiving the Package 📦
While I was excited to receive the toy, the delivery process was somewhat frustrating. The product arrived three weeks after ordering; however, after contacting Funzze, it arrived the next day. Despite this delay, the package was well-protected and arrived in good condition.
https://www.freepik.com/author/rawpixel-com
Unboxing 🎁
The massager comes in a small branded box. Inside, I found:
A magnetic charger, confirming that the toy is waterproof
A small storage bag, perfect for hygiene and portability
The massager itself, which was larger than I initially expected
https://www.freepik.com/author/freepik
The packaging is simple and discreet, but functional, making it suitable for storage or travel.
First Use & Preparation 🫢
I decided to try the toy last Friday, when I had some time alone. After taking a shower and preparing a clean space, I applied X-Lube from my Breedr bottle (I mixed the leftover Breedr lube with X-Lube). This combination worked perfectly, ensuring smooth and comfortable insertion.
Using the toy for the first time, I focused on understanding the thrusting movement and the vibration patterns, experimenting with speed and intensity.
3d audio soundwave. White music pulse oscillation. Glowing impulse pattern.
https://www.freepik.com/author/garrykillian
Feelings & Performance
The toy provided a very positive experience:
Texture & insertion: The massager is smooth, making initial insertion effortless
Thrusting movement: Pleasant and pain-free. While I would have preferred a tip more focused on the P-spot, this is a minor detail and largely a personal preference
Stimulation: The combination of thrusting and vibration created a strong, enjoyable pressure, especially during orgasm
Comparison to other toys: I can confidently say this is one of my favorite toys. While my fisting toys require training and preparation, this massager provides immediate satisfaction without extra effort
Water -based lube made a slippery unforgetable experience and comfortable throughout the session.
https://www.freepik.com/author/jannoon028
Despite of the expectatives the toy features 8 different types of vibrations and thrusting movements, which can be combined freely for a total of 64 unique mode combinations. This allows you to finely control your experience and find the perfect mode for your preference.
Discretion & Usability
Noise: The massager isn’t completely silent. Small sounds may be noticeable if others are nearby, though it is not excessively loud
Design & flexibility: The straight shape is necessary for the thrusting mechanism, but it limits mobility. Using the toy while sitting, walking, or multitasking may cause minor discomfort
Comfort: Overall, the sensations were never painful, just a subtle internal pressure during use
Despite minor limitations, the toy is highly usable and comfortable for most solo or partnered sessions. The perfect multitask buddy for those busy and boring days.
https://www.freepik.com/author/jcomp
Remote Control
The remote control is one of the toy’s standout features:
Works up to 26 ft (7,92m), making it suitable for solo play or partner use
Two buttons:
Perineum vibration, stimulating the line connecting the testicles to the butt with 8 different vibrations.
Thrusting speed control, allowing you to adjust the pace according to preference . Between 8 types of movement.
The remote makes this toy perfect for a partner session, a discreet gift, or simply exploring different settings without interrupting play.
Pros & Cons
✅ Green Flags:
Smooth and comfortable texture
Unique thrusting mechanism
Strong stimulation for both P-spot and perineum
Waterproof and easy to clean
Remote control with good range
🚩Red Flags:
Slight noise during use
Straight and rigid design limits mobility
Tip could be more focused on the P-spot
My experience
My experience with this product was very good despite the minor cons.
This isn’t a toy that will instantly take you to mind-blowing orgasms; preparation matters. Cleaning yourself properly and approaching play with confidence is key. Think of your hole as a door—the toy becomes your battering ram.
https://www.freepik.com/author/wirestock
For beginners, understanding hygiene and pacing is crucial. This toy is ideal if you have a private bedroom and want to avoid noise, and in my experience, its performance justifies its price. Compared to other toys at similar prices in Spain, this one delivers better quality and satisfaction
Conclusion
The Funzze P-Spot Massager exceeded my expectations. It combines thrusting and vibration effectively, delivers strong prostate stimulation, and is enjoyable both solo and with a partner.
https://www.freepik.es/autor/valeria-aksakova
Despite minor drawbacks like slight noise and a rigid design, this is a high-quality, functional, and satisfying toy. I would recommend it to anyone exploring prostate stimulation, especially those looking for a toy that’s immediately enjoyable and easy to use.
The toy also comes with a small storage bag, which your personal hygiene will thank you for.
I really hope you enjoyed this review as much as we enjoyed “playing” with this toy 😏. We aren’t paid for these reviews, so everything here is honest and personal.
This is just me and my partner having fun while sharing our experiences—and helping you make informed choices. Everything is free for you, but if you’d like to support us and help us get more toys to test, a small donation would be amazing. Every bit helps us keep bringing honest, hands-on reviews—and of course, more fun!
Big thanks to Funzze for trusting us with their products.
